


Summer at the Store

by pennyinthepool



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies), To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, High School, Pining, Summer, Summer Romance, Workplace Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29063421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennyinthepool/pseuds/pennyinthepool
Summary: Lara Jean chose John Ambrose. After nursing a broken heart, Peter Kavinsky just wants her back in his life, even if it's just as a friend. But with John away at an internship all summer and Peter & LJ spending long days working at the antique store together, anything can happen.
Relationships: John Ambrose McClaren & Lara Jean Song-Covey, John Ambrose McClaren/Lara Jean Song-Covey, Peter Kavinsky & Lara Jean Song-Covey, Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey
Comments: 74
Kudos: 169





	1. Chapter 1

It was the first truly hot day of the year. Long gone were the heavy jackets of January and February and the hoodies and jean jackets of March & April. May was more than halfway over and it was beginning to feel like summer was on the horizon.

Lara Jean adjusted her white t shirt under a flowery spaghetti strap sundress in the school bathroom. She ran her fingers through her hair and nodded. This was her favorite time of year, mostly because she could start wearing all the dresses she kept locked up all winter. She exited the room trying to find her best friend, Chris.

For the past few months, Chris has been the only one who she felt comfortable around. She was used to not having a ton of friends. LJ grew up with only one or two. But that all changed when she started dating Peter. She suddenly had a real friend group, the kind that you could pick out in the cafeteria, the kind that spent their Friday nights holding court in the corner booth at the diner. But that all changed when she made the choice.

When she had chosen John instead of Peter, her entire friend group had chosen his side. She wasn’t surprised. She was the one who broke his heart. Chris, the only one who was her friend beforehand, was the only one who stuck by her side.

After reconnecting with John Ambrose McClaren while volunteering at the nursing home and always doubting Peter’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend Gen, Peter & Lara Jean decided to break up. Lara Jean had basically run into John Ambrose’s arms. Peter had spent the last 2 months nursing a broken heart.

“Hey, LJ!” Chris smiled widely at her friend in the hallway.

“Hi. How are you still wearing that that? It’s like 80 degrees out.”

“Out of habit.” She pulled on her jacket. “Are you going to be joining us in the cafeteria today?”

“Um, do you think he’d mind. Last time was kinda… you know.” She bit her lip questioning if invading Peter’s sacred space would make things worse.

“I think you both will be fine.” She rolled her eyes. “Last night, Trevor told me he’s back to normal. Well as normal as he can be.”

“Sure then.” She took her friends arm and walked through the cafeteria. She had been eating lunch in the library since the breakup. She decided reading and escaping to a fantasy world was better than feeling sick to her stomach anytime their eyes met from across the room. She followed behind her friend who flung her arms around her boyfriend, Trevor.

“Hey Chrissy.” He leaned into her. “And Lara Jean is here too.” He smiled. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you in the caf for…a while.”

“Just been busy.” She smiled back and clasped her hands together trying to not be awkward. “How’d your presentation in History go? I thought it was really good.”

“Got a B. I think Mr. Everett just hates me.” He shrugged. “Are you eating with us?”

“If that’s okay with you.” Her voice hung in the moment. She was preparing herself to slide away if there was any hesitation in his voice.

“Of course. We missed you LJ.” He smiled and motioned to the table. Her eyes searched for him, he hadn’t arrived yet. She quickly took a seat next to Lucas, she knew he would be a buffer if shit were to hit the fan.

“Not slumming it in the library anymore?” Lucas, her one-time middle school crush, joked.

“Ms. Plummer will have to forgive me for ditching our weekly book debates.” She leaned into him. She began to relax. Her shoulders dropped. Her hands didn’t feel clammy. Her heart rate went back to a normal speed. She settled and listened into the spirited conversation Chris and Gabe were having about the best candy bar. _This wasn’t so bad_. She thought.

Then she saw him.

His hazel eyes locked on her. Today they looked more grey than green. She swallowed hard, trying to keep the anxiety from raising out the top of her body. She tried to smile but got no real response from him, like he was frozen in time. LJ looked to the seat next to her, the only one that was open. “I can- “she began before she saw him shaking his head and walking in her direction.

“Don’t worry about it.” He faked a smile and sat down next to her. The table was still rapped in the candy debate but a defining silence hovered over the two of them. Peter pulled out a sandwich from his backpack. Lara Jean was looking for anything to cut the tension.

“Turkey & swiss?” she asked, not able to make eye contact.

“Why mess with the classic.” He smiled and took a bite. “So, I’m- “

“I’m sorry – “she blurted out, cutting him off.

“Me too.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t be around everyone else.”

“I just wanted to give you space. I’m the one that ended things.”

“It’s still not fair that you dealt with it alone. Well, just with John, I guess.” He took another bit of his sandwich.

She tried to smile but a pit grew in her stomach. “Made it out okay.” Her fingers drummed on the table.

“Do you think we can ever just be friends again? Like before.” He pondered out the side of his mouth.

“I hope so.” She felt a rush though her body. “I’d hate for us to hate each other forever.”

“I never hated you.” He bit his lip. “Was not your biggest fan, but never hate.”

“You’d be a better person than me.” She paused. “As usual.” She shrugged and tried to smile.

He rolled his eyes and for the first time since February she saw a genuine smile spread across his face. She tried to stop her heart from doing a flip but was impervious to the Kavinsky charm. She watched his body unstiffen and smiled back at him.

“I watched that musical you told me you were obsessed with.” He said trying to concentrate on his sandwich.

“Which one?” she tossed her hair behind her shoulders.

“The one where it’s going backwards for her and forwards for him.”

“That Last Five Years.” Her eyes lit up.

“Yes. That one. My mom had it on so…”

“It’s so good.” Lara Jean exclaimed.

“But so sad.” He snarked back at her.

“But that’s what makes it so good.” 

“But I wasn’t expecting to be drowning in a puddle of tears with my mom.”

“The truest form of bonding.” She smiled, remembering their movie nights together. They took turn choosing movies. Peter would always protest when LJ wanted to watch a musical, but she would always find him singing the songs under his breath for the next week or two.

Lara Jean launched into a full breakdown of the movie musical with Peter pitching in with strong opinions that were loosely held. They laughed and joked like old times, like before everything became so hard. Maybe this friends thing would actually work out.

* * *

Peter Kavinsky was still desperately in love with Lara Jean Song Covey.

When they met on her front porch “to talk”, he swore he could actually feel his heart ripping apart. He knew in that moment, he messed up. He hadn’t been open about what was going on with Gen or his Dad. He should have just been honest about how he was feeling. He knew she would have understood, but something stopped him every time. He was convinced that was what drove her away and eventually to John.

When he first heard about LJ & John dating, he was furious. He wanted to want to yell at someone, rip something open, or punch someone in the face, but Peter just felt miserable. He wanted to hide away in his room and never see the sunshine. He became quiet, constantly in his head about what he could have done differently. He just missed her.

Earlier this month, when Lara Jean had suddenly been back at their lunch table, he felt his entire body vibrate. Something had been awakened in him. He suddenly felt like his life was in color again after being stuck in a depressing black and white movie. Talking to her made him feel alive again. It was halfway through his turkey sandwich, when he realized he needed this feeling in his life, even if it wasn’t in a romantic way. He just needed her.

It was slow then all at once. First it was one lunch, then a full week turned into hanging out with the group at the diner. Having her as his friend again, even as awkward as it was, felt like having his old life back. He was fine pretending to be her friend if he got to keep the one he loved more than anything in his life.

* * *

“Trevor, you’re cute but you’re not going to convince me.” Chris crossed her arms at their boisterous lunch table.

“Babe. Pineapple on pizza is the way to go. You just think it’s a texture thing.” He playfully scoffed.

“The texture is like a third of the eating experience!” she retorted confidently. “I saw an interview where they were asking Michelin star chef and they all said no, especially the Italian ones.” Arguing over nothing was their favorite sport.

Lara Jean came over in a huff and put her hands down on the table. “Anyone know who’s hiring this summer?”

“Why?” Trevor looked confused. “I thought you were going to Korea.”

“Me too. Our trip got cancelled and now I have to get a job to save money for college. I’ve asked around and basically any place hiring high school kids is full for the summer. So, do you know any places?”

“I saw a help wanted sign at the Burger King over on Tharpe.” Gabe offered.

“Thanks, but I would love to not smell like fry oil for the rest of my life.” She sat down a bit defeated. “I was so looking forward to this summer.”

Peter thought for a second before responding. “My mom is looking for someone else to help out at the store.”

Lara Jean sat back in shock. “Really?”

“Yeah.” He half smiled. “Harriet, the old woman who has worked for her for years finally retired. So, she needs more help than just me.” He watched her to gauge her reaction. “You love people and old things. You’ll be great at it.”

“But would your mom want me around?” she scrunched her face. “I always thought she never liked me.”

“She’ll be fine. I’ll text her you can come for an interview tomorrow.” He smirked. Spending the summer with Lara Jean seemed like heaven.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” she went over to give him a hugging Peter from the back. “You are saving my life right now.”

Peter tried to breathe in her aurora. He loved feeling her body against his back, only two thin layers of cotton separating them. He felt like he could live in that position forever if need be.

She let go and skipped back to her seat and immediately pulled out her phone. “I got to text John. He’ll be so excited for me.” 

* * *

Peter fumbled with a rag while he watched the door of the office. Lara Jean had been in there for half an hour. His mom had asked him over and over again if he was sure she’d be fine with her working at the store. He assured her he was. He just wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.

No one had been in yet. The store was usually pretty dead until summer hit and the tourists came to town. He tapped his hands on the register, anxious to see if he would get to hang with her for the summer.

He heard the click of the door and craned his head. Lara Jean and his mom emerged laughing. “He tells that story every 4th of July.” LJ’s smile highlighted her extra red cheeks.

“Oh, I’ll need to poke fun at him next time we’re waiting around for Kitty & Owen at soccer. That is fabulous.” Mrs. Kavinsky walked behind the counter joining Peter.

“I had such a great time catching up with you, Mrs. Kavinsky.” Lara Jean smiled holding her small purse with both hands.

“Me too, sweetie. So usually it will be Tuesday – Saturday in the summer. We’re open from ten until six. You won’t be here the whole time, obviously, but it will get busy with the out-of-town-ers. Why our small town has become a tourist destination, I will never know.”

“Thank you so much.” Lara Jean beamed. Peter knew she’d get the job.

“I’ll see you in two weeks when school’s out.” His mom waved to her. “I’ll give you a call.”

“Wonderful. Thank you, Mrs. Kavinsky.” She waved back at both of them behind the counter.

Peter nodded and watched her walk out the door. He turned to his mom who had put her arm around him.

“I don’t get why you wanted this, but you’re welcome.” She patted his shoulder and walked back into the office.


	2. That Was The First Day

The gentle ring of the front door bell danced around the store as Lara Jean entered Kavinsky’s Antiques. The faint sound of oldies played over the speakers as she took a glance around. All the small beautiful things made her heart beat faster. She was so excited to get to be among so many precious trinkets all summer long.

“Hey coworker.” Peter smiled at her from behind the counter.

“Hi!” she waved back. “Can I put this in the office?” She lifted her purse.

“Yeah. I’ll open it up for you.” He motioned for her to follow him. He opened the door and held it open for her. The doorway was slim and she had to slide past him to enter. She felt her chest gently brush against his. Memories of his chest on top of hers flooded her brain, making her heart beat faster. She held her breath as she threw her bag onto a chair. She quickly dodged her body away from his and stepped away.

“Where’s your mom?” she leaned her head to the side once she was a comfortable distance away. 

“She’s got some decorating appointments in the morning. Then she's picking some chairs over in Fredericksburg. It’s just you and me today.” He walked back behind the counter.

This was the first time they had been together, just them. She was still judging how comfortable to be with him, especially at his family’s business. Was he technically her boss? “So, what’s first?” she asked standing in the middle of the store and clapped her hands.

“I guess you could do some dusting at first. It will help you learn what’s here.” Peter smiled. “No one’s been in yet today.”

“What will you be doing?” she questioned.

“Doing some accounting stuff for my mom. She hates it. She always complains how she hates math. She even gave up helping Owen with his math homework last year.”

“Kitty is a math genius if he ever needs any help.” Lara Jean offered while grabbing a duster from the counter.

“I may take you up on that one day.” She smiled back before shooing her off. “Now go create imaginary backstories for everything in the store. I know you will anyway.”

She wanted to protest but no words came out. He knew her better than almost anyone. She turned on her feet and got started.

* * *

She was still dusting when she heard the door open. She turned to see two middle aged women come in. “Hi there!” Lara Jean smiled. “Welcome to Kavinsky’s Antiques. Anything we can help you find today?”

“Oh, we’re just browsing, I think.” One of the women started for the other side of the store, wanting to avoid all human interaction.

“Actually – “The other woman rolled her eyes at her friend. “I’m looking for something for my mother-in-law. We’re going to see her for vacation next week and she never likes anything I give her. Flowers, candy, jewelry. Hates everything. You know the type. One time she threw my gift out while I was still there." She half half laughed half rolled her eyes. "I was thinking she might like something more… unique.”

“We have unique in spades.” Lara Jean smiled and guided her further into the store. “What kinds of things does she like? Does she have any hobbies or anything?”

“She loves to read. Her and my husband are always exchanging books. I apparently don’t read nearly enough for her liking. She also loves crafts. She turned Eric’s old room into a crafting studio.”

LJ scrunched her nose while taking a second to think. “Does she like candles?”

The woman’s ears perked up. “She loves them. How did you do that?”

She smirked. “The Venn diagram between book people and candle people is perfect circle. I know from experience.” The woman burst out into a high-pitched giggle.

“We have two different sets of these gorgeous candle holders that might be right up her alley. Follow me.” Lara Jean beamed. “One set is beautiful hand-blown glass and the other are a stunning tarnished silver. The silver, I believe, are from the 1920s or 30s.” She took them down from the shelf. “I think they are very classic with a bit of an art deco twist.”

She watched as the woman picked up both sets to examine. “Wow. I don’t know which one I love more.” The woman smiled up at her. “Are you my guardian angel today or what?”

“I try. I think you can’t go wrong with either, but I am partial to the silver. They remind me of something in my grandma’s house, in a good way.” She smiled back and looked over at the counter where Peter was watching her in wonder.

“I think I’ll go with the silver then.” The woman picked them up to look at them again. “These might actually make her like me.”

“Excellent. Take the tag and I’ll go wrap them up so they travel well. You can go check out with the guy behind the counter.” She pointed over to Peter.

“Wow, you work with him all day?” she raised her eyebrows at LJ. “He’s so handsome.”

Lara Jean just smiled back, not fully knowing what to say. Of course, she could still admit that Peter was utterly handsome, she had eyes. But she didn’t know how comfortable she was discussing her ex-boyfriend’s attractiveness with a middle-aged woman. She took the candlesticks and went to the wrapping station. She delicately wrapped them in paper and bubble wrap. She put them in a brown paper bag and attached a cute Kavinsky’s Antiques sticker and went to meet the woman.

“I can’t thank you enough.” She smiled at Lara Jean. “He just told me this is your first day. Unbelievable.” She shook her head happily. “You have a gift.”

“Thank you.” She blushed. “Come again soon!” she waved as they left the store. She turned to Peter with a huge smile on her face.

“You nailed it Covey.” He leaned across the counter. He put his hand out for a high five. Her hand met his and he wrapped his fingers around hers. They stared at each other for a moment before he dropped his hand and crossed his arms, closing off his body. He bit his lip then instantly tried to hide it. He felt a mix of pride in her and embarrassment in his own actions. He needed to shake it out of his head. She had a boyfriend. She dumped him. They were friends. Fuck. This was going to be harder than expected.

* * *

“This will be the hardest thing you’ll learn all day.” Peter motioned to the checkout system. “Do you think you can handle it?”

She glared at him. “It’s a computer system. I think I can do it.”

“I’m not the one who freaks out about their phone not working once a month.” He smirked.

“You’ve used my phone. I think it’s possessed or something.”

“Yes, a spirit would make its only job to haunt your word search & fashion games filled phone.”

“Word searches have been proven to make you more intelligent.” She fired back.

“What’s your excuse then?” He shot back.

“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that.” She gave his shoulder a light shove. “Now show me how to do this.” She flailed her hands towards the machine.

“We don’t have a scanner but every tag has a 4-digit number on it. That’s how its cataloged in this system. Go grab that bowl.” He pointed to a bowl laid out on a coffee table. She ran over and brought it back. He saw the tag. “See 3490” He typed it into the system. “Then the item name will pop up. If it’s correct, press YES.” He turned to her making sure she was taking it in. He thought she looked so utterly cute trying to remember the steps.

He turned back. “Then you’ll ask if they are using cash or card. We don’t accept checks anymore except on special order, which my mom deals with. You select CASH or CARD. If it’s cash, put in the amount they give you and press go. The drawer will open up, you make change, all that.” He watched her nod and smile at him. “If it’s card you press it & have them insert it in this doodley doo.” He held up the card reader. “It will read it for a second then pop up on the screen as approved, you get the receipt. Say thank you and you’re golden.”

“I think I got it.” She nodded her head. “You’re going to be there to help me my first time though, right?”

“I’ll hold your hand the whole way through it.” He joked.

“My hero.” She giggled. She looked up at him smiling. Feeling his warm gaze locked on her. She just loved the easy feeling she got when he was around. Since she stopped hiding from him, she felt everything in her life get a little bit better. She did better at school, was nicer to Kitty & all around happier. She couldn’t help but liking the effect he had on her. 

Their moment was broken by the ding of the front bell. She swirled around quickly. “Hi! Welcome to – “She cut herself off when she saw who it was. “John!” She smiled at her boyfriend before going around the counter to wrap him in a hug. “What are you doing here?”

He let her go from the hug. “Just wanted to see you on your first day as a working lady.” John's kind smile made Lara Jean swoon a little inside.

“Well that’s nice of you!” she looked back at Peter and immediately felt a mix of guilt and anxiety. “Peter has been teaching me how to use everything.” She took a step back from John.

“Hey man!” John nodded at her ex-boyfriend.

“Hey Johnny.” He replied, trying to act as unbothered as possible. “How’d your year go?”

“Good. Yeah. What about you? How’d you do in lacrosse?” he tried to make small talk.

“Regional champs.” He awkwardly nodded back.

“That’s great. Congratulations.” A silence took over the store. John, always the conversationalist, broke the silence. “Working here for the summer, huh?”

“Yeah. My mom needed the help, so. What about you?”

Lara Jean, feeling the awkwardness rise in her system, interjected. “John Ambrose is doing an internship with a lawyer in DC for the summer.”

“Wow. That’s awesome.” Peter tried to seem engaged. This was the first time he had seen John since he started dating Lara Jean. He could feel the jealousy streaming out of his ears. He needed to keep it cool. He just got Lara Jean back in his life. An outburst at John would surely put an end to that. “So, you’re going to be gone all summer, huh?” His mind raced about all the extra time he’d get to spend with Lara Jean with John out of the picture.

“Basically. I leave this weekend. It’s not too far though. I assume I’ll be coming home for some weekends and stuff.” He looked at Peter who’s face had no emotion. “And Lara Jean is already planning what we’re going to do when she comes to visit.”

“Cool.” Peter replied trying to not be phases by John possession of Lara Jean. 

John put his arm around her and kissed the side of her head. “I should get going. I promised my mom I’d pick up some things at the grocery store. I just wanted to stop in and say hi to my girl.” His eyes were like daggers at Peter.

Peter took a long deep breath, trying to keep his emotions in check. He cleared his throat and drummed his hands against the counter. “It was great seeing you dude.”

He let go of Lara Jean and nodded. “You too.” He gave Lara Jean a quick peck before turning to leave. “Call me later.” He smiled at Lara Jean.

* * *

“So, when you close up, make sure you set the alarm. My mom is anal about it. She freaks out if she thinks her stuff isn’t protected.”

“Set the alarm. Got it.” She held her bag in her hand.

“Put in the code, wait for the red light and the beep. Run out then lock the door.” He explained. “It seems more intimidating than it is.”

“Okay. I would hate for anything to happen. You’re mom has been so nice to me. I would hate to disappoint her.”

“I think she’s just happy that I’m not here alone all day now that she’s doing decorating appointments at her client’s homes.”

“I do make great company.” She smiled.

“The best.” His face softened before turning to the security keypad. “Ready?” He watched her nod and put in the code. He swung the door open for her. Lara Jean scurried out with him following behind quickly. He locked the door and looked up at her.

“Today was good.” She smiled up at him. “Right?”

“Right. That one lady was correct. You’re great at this. Plus, it’s nice getting to hang out all day.” He leaned up against the door.

She smiled at him, surprised how nervous she was all of a sudden. “Look, I know this is really corny to say, but I really like being your friend.”

**_Friend._** He internalized her word. He knew he wanted more. He still felt they were meant to be, but he had to keep it cool. “I like being your friend too. I missed you” He smiled. “Is that weird?”

“No.” she reached up and grabbed his shoulder. “Not at all. I missed you too.”

Her smile and her hand on his body made his heart race a million miles a minute. He fought the urge to lean into her & shook his head. “Let me walk you to your car.” He motioned to the road.

“Oh, you don’t have to. I’m right here.” She pointed to her red Hyundai.

“Well then, I will see you tomorrow, friend.” He bit the side of his cheek through his smile.

“See you tomorrow, buddy.” She waved back.

He watched as she got into her car and drove away. He sighed. Maybe this would be harder than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the comments on the first chapter have me so excited for this story!   
> Thank you so much for the love!


	3. Diner Breakdown

He swiftly hit the nail with one last thud of the hammer. Lara Jean hoisted up an old portrait in a gold frame. He slid it on the nail and let go gingerly. “Is it straight?”

“Up on the left just a bit.” She watched as he tapped the edge of the picture. “Good?”

“Looks perfect.” She said as she watched him make his way down the ladder. She didn’t want to admit it how hot he looked holding a tool belt. Was this a new thing she was into? She shook herself out of it. “When are you heading out?”

“Once mom gets in.” he shrugged. Peter had volunteered to help at a lacrosse camp this week in the afternoons with some of the other guys on his team. “I hope it’s not torture.”

“What? You love kids.” It was one of the things she admired about Peter. He knew how to relate to anyone & get on their level.

“Not what I’m concerned about.” He rolled his eyes. “Coach has been riding me so hard since I committed to UVA. It’s almost like he’s resentful. I don’t know.” He closed the ladder and slid it into its spot beside the floor to ceiling shelves.

“Maybe he thinks you’re not going to put in the effort anymore?” she adjusted the whale sculpture on the table.

“Maybe, but that’s so not me. I’ve been coached by him since I was 12. You think he’d think better of me.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I hate the feeling like I’m disappointing people.”

“Peter, you aren’t disappointing anyone. Just prove to him you’re still all in.” She smiled warmly at him making him blush. “The kids will be swooning all over you & he’ll see that you haven’t given up on the team, even though your future is sorted.”

He took a deep breath, knowing she was right. “Thanks Covey.”

With her sunglasses on top of her head and a million bags laid across her arms, Mrs. Kavinsky entered the store like a tornado. “Hello, hello, hello!” she smiled while looking around frantically. “Peter, help me with these.” She held out her arms. Peter did as he was told and put them out on the counter.

“Thank you, son.” She huffed. “These new clients are driving me nuts.”

“Hi Mrs. Kavinsky.” Lara Jean smiled.

“Hi, sweetie.” She smiled and turned back to Peter. “You need to get going or you’ll be late.”

“I know.” He sighed and turned to both the ladies in his life. “See you later.”

“Make good choices, honey.” His mom yelled out as he was walking out the door. She turned to LJ and smiled. “I’m glad he’s gone. How are you finding it so far? We can finally catch up.” She reached out to touch her arm.

Lara Jean followed her to a dining room table near the back of the store. “Don’t you want me to be at the register?” she questioned.

“We’ll hear if the bell rings.” She sat down. “Sit, sit.” She begged.

LJ shook her head and sat down across the table. “I feel like I need to thank you again for giving me this job. I know with everything that went on, I probably wasn’t your first choice.”

“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hesitant, but Peter told me that you two are friends now, so I thought why not.” She leaned back in her chair. “Plus, I know you love it here.”

“I do.” She blushed, starting to feel more comfortable. Peter had taken her here a lot while they were together. Most of the time he had to pull Lara Jean out of the store or she would have spent the entire day looking at every little thing. Peter’s mom had a warm, calming energy to her, probably where Peter got it from. She knew just the way to bring your guard down and let you open up. LJ thought it would be dangerous if you were on her bad side. “Everything is just so beautiful. I feel like I find something new I love every day.” 

“Do you ever think about doing something like this one day?” She took a sip of her Starbucks drink.

“Running a store?” Lara Jean asked.

“No, designing or getting to do something creative. It feels meant for you.” She assured.

She thought for a second. “Maybe. I always thought about writing, but I guess there is more than one way to be creative.” She smiled back at Mrs. Kavinsky. “All I know is that even though I’ve watched 300 episodes of ER, I will never have what it takes to be a doctor.”

“I have seen every episode multiple times. Dr. Carter, ugh, that’s my celebrity crush.” She replied excitedly.

“I’m more of a Dr. Ross girl myself.” She laughed. “My dad told me it was my mom’s favorite show. I would watch it with Margo all the time growing up to feel connected with her, if that makes any sense.” She shook her head.

“It 100% makes sense. My mom passed away when I was young too you know.”

“She did?” Lara Jean sat up straight.

“Yes, when I was 11. I know it’s different because I was lucky to get a little more time with her, but I know what it’s like to go through your formative teen years without that big female role model.” She put her hand on Lara Jean’s forearm. 

“Not to sound weird, but I always saw you as a role model for me.” Lara Jean blushed.

“Really?” Mrs. Kavinsky across the table to her.

“You made your own super successful business doing what you love. You do it all on your own while balancing having a family and a social life. Ms. Rothchild always tells me when you say hi at book club. You’re pretty much living the dream. What isn’t there to look up to?”

“Well, that is the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” She patted LJ’s arm. “I’m here for you whenever you need me. I always had a soft spot for you, you know that.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Kavinsky.” Lara Jean looked up smiling.

“One day, you should come to some decorating appointments with me. I think you’d love it.”

“I would love that.” She smiled widely at her new mentor.

* * *

“But then why would he abandon her at the party?” He held out her purse for her.

“Because he thinks she’s cheating on him with his cousin.” She exclaimed, taking her bag from him.

“Isn’t that almost like gross since Tommy & Ethan grew up in the same house. They’re like brothers.” He closed the office door and turned out the lights.

“Peter, it’s a TV show.” Lara Jean shook her head.

“Then why am I so invested in it.” He put his hands over his heart and watched Lara Jean’s face break out into the biggest smile and burst into a fit of giggles. He felt his heart swell. He could listen to her sweet laugh all day. It was both invigorating & the most relaxing sound he’d ever heard. He wished he had a recording of it to lull him to sleep every night.

“Ready to get out of here.” Lara Jean looked around making sure everything was in its spot.

“Lead the way.” He followed. They set the alarm and walked out the door. While he was setting the lock he turned to LJ, “Wanna go grab food or something? I don’t really want to head home yet.”

She thought for a moment and rocked back and forth on her heels. “Um…sure.” She smiled nervously. She was surprised she still had this effect on her. She had flashbacks to him asking her on their first real date. She took a deep breath.

“Wanna walk over? The diner is down the street.”

“Sounds doable.” She smiled as they walked down the street on a hot summer night. The sun was just starting to set and put a golden hue over their small town. “How’d the camp go last week? I never asked.”

“It was fine. We were just running stations and activities and stuff.” His became ultra-aware that his hands were stuffed in his pocket. He kept thinking that if this were just a couple of months ago that he’d be holding her hand right now. 

“How’d it go with Coach Quinn?”

“Good, I guess. I really just tried to avoid him and do my job. He told me good job at the end of the week so that’s assuring I guess.”

“I knew you’d get on his good side. You just had to show up and be you.” She smiled as they rounded the corner to enter the diner. “I’m sure the kids were obsessed with you.”

He waved at their favorite waitress, Joan, and took a seat at a table in the back. “One would not leave my side. He refused to go to any other activity so I made him my assistant. He mainly just ran after horribly aimed balls.”

“Starting the hard work young.” She watched him from across the table.

His face had lit up as he spoke about the kids. She found herself imagining about Peter as a father one day. He’d be kind, help with their history homework, and teach how to play sports. Peter would come home from work and play with them for hours. Imagine if it was a girl, he’d be wrapped around her finger. She shook her head out of it and looked down at the menu. “What are you thinking?”

“Want to get the usual? Fries and chocolate milkshakes.” He shrugged.

Her mouth hung open. She didn’t know if they still had their “usual” when they weren’t an “us” anymore. “Sure.” She faked a smile while a million thoughts flooded through her head.

Joan came over to them smiling. “How are my favorite kiddos doing?” A few strands of thick grey hair had fallen out of her enormous bun. She pushed them back.

“Doing good, Miss Joan. Lara Jean is working at my mom’s store with me this summer.”

“That must be fun for you two. I’ve missed seeing you in here.” She smiled at them. Peter and Lara Jean shared an awkward glance. Peter broke the silence and broke out his trademark Kavinsky charm. “You can’t keep us away for too long, Joan. Can we get a basket of fries and two chocolate milkshakes? Whip cream & a cherry on both.”

She nodded and walked away. Lara Jean bit the inside of her cheek. “Well that was sufficiently awkward.”

“Yeah.” He scratched his head. “I guess not everyone knew.”

“I thought Joan would know all the hot goss.” She tried to ease the tension.

“She knows everything but is a freaking fortress. It’s why her hair’s so big. Full of secrets” Peter smiled.

Lara Jean giggled and tried to read his face. She could tell that there was a concern he was not telling her. She wanted to ask but didn’t know what boundaries she should be respecting. “I’m sorry if it’s still weird sometimes.”

“What’s weird?” he cocked his head to the side.

“Stuff with us.” She blurted out. Joan dropped off their milkshakes & fries with a smile. Lara Jean waited until she was gone to continue. “I feel like we never _really_ talked about it. We just said we were cool.”

“What is there to say?” Peter swallowed hard.

“Peter, I know I hurt you. Bad. Chris told me you didn’t leave the house except for school for weeks.” She pushed her hair behind her ears. “I’m so sorry.”

“You heard about that.” He shook his head. “I just had to process it alone. I didn’t think anyone else would understand.”

“Yeah.” She whispered. She had run off to John as a safe space. She had always assumed he leaned on Trevor and the rest of their friend group. She hated he had to face it alone. “I thought giving you space was what you needed. I was the one who broke it off and ran to John. It was insensitive to you. I knew you’d know about it. I’m sorry you didn’t hear about it from me and I’m sorry for not being more considerate of your feelings.”

“I’m not going to lie that it hurt. I had my suspicions when we were doing the actual break up that you’d go to John. But, I guess it made sense because we were fighting and there was all the jealousy stuff. I wish I could go back and make you feel more secure in us.” He rubbed his face. He wanted to burst out that he still loved her. That every moment he wasn’t with her felt like part of him was gone. He knew he couldn’t put that on her. It wasn’t fair. She was with John. “I mean, you know that I loved you.” He sighed. “It just took me time to not feel so fucking shitty. It was my first real heartbreak you know.”

She nodded and reached out to him without thinking. She placed her hand on his. “You know I loved you too.” She felt her eyes get slightly teary, but was doing everything she could to hold it in.

“I know.” He shook his head.

“Sometimes I think you can love someone so much, but it can still not work out. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.” She tried to give him a small smile. His lack of response made her pull her hand back.

He looked down and rolled his eyes. _How could she not see it?_ They were so obviously meant to be in his mind. They were the perfect compliment. Where he was weak, she was strong. They made each other better. There was no one else he wanted to talk or spend time with. He knew she felt it too. The hours they spent talking at the store cemented it. He bit his lip out of frustration. He fought his mixed feelings of knowing he needed her in his life and wanting to storm off from his leftover heart ache. He took a deep breath and gulped. “I’m just happy to have you in my life again. You know you’re one of the only people I can actually talk to.”

“You mean you don’t talk about your deep, dark feelings with Trevor & Gabe?” she tried to lighten the mood.

“Only if we’re really drunk. Gabe always ends up crying and we just try to comfort him. Trevor’s better at it than me though.” Peter laughed.

“Well, you know I’m always here if you need me.” She ate a fry smiling. “We’ve been through too much for you to get rid of me that easily.”

Peter felt his heart flip. He didn’t understand how she could say things like that, but still pick John. He lifted his shake, “To us.”

Lara Jean lifted her shake to meet his. “To us.” She smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for liking this story so far.   
> I always wanted better for LJ & Peter's mom, so here it is.   
> More to come! :)


	4. Just Two Friends Dancing At A Party

“Are you going to that party at Gabe’s tomorrow?” Peter asked hauling a heavy box of new arrivals out to the floor.

Lara Jean leaned down and took out a beautiful blue and white jewelry box. “Didn’t get invited.” She shrugged and turned to find the perfect spot for the box on the shelves.

“Of course, you’re invited. It’s Gabe’s. Everyone is invited.”

“Um, I don’t think I have plans. I could just Facetime with John earlier than normal.” She shrugged.

“So, you’ll be there?” he replied, trying not to get his hopes too high. Lara Jean usually put up a fight when it came to parties.

“I will be there.” She smiled. “It’s summer, I should have fun, right?”

This elicited a small shimmy from Peter. “Maybe we’ll get Party Lara Jean back!”

“What is Party Lara Jean?” she giggled nervously.

“Party Lara Jean is what we called you when you drink too many Smirnoff Ices and dance around like nobody’s watching.” He smiled remembering the last party they went to before they broke up. “You’re also the nicest drunk I know. You spent 45 minutes telling Mikey Danforth how excellent of a performer you thought he was in the school’s musical after he played a dancing fork in Beauty & The Beast. It took us an hour to leave because you insisted on finding every single one of our friends to tell them in great detail why you admired their souls.”

“I sound fun.” Her cheeks were red in embarrassment.

“The most.” He decided not to tell her about how she tried to straddle him while making out when they got in the car. He couldn’t have one of his most favorite memories of their time together tainted by her embarrassment. “I had to text your dad that we were going to be late because of it.”

“And he was okay with that?” she froze for a second. “I don’t remember getting in trouble.”

“He knew I was taking care of you.” He shrugged.

Lara Jean felt a pang in her chest. Peter, among a lot of things, was her fiercest protector. She loved how safe she always felt with him. She gave me a small smile. “I’ll call Chris and see if she wants to ride together.”

* * *

She plopped down on her bed later that night & held her phone in front of her as she dialed his number. She adjusted a pillow under her while the phone rang.

“Hey LJ!” his face appeared on screen. His phone was perched up on his desk. His head was turned to the side, leaning on his hand.

“Hi John Ambrose.” She smiled back, looking at her boyfriend dreamily. “How was work? Get any perps convicted today?”

He sighed. “It was fine. Mostly filing and entering data into a spreadsheet all day. The other intern started today though. She seems cool. She’s going to be a college freshman at Howard.”

“I’m glad you have a friend there now. I was getting a little worried about you all alone.”

“When are you coming up? I haven’t seen in you so long.” He pleaded.

“You’ve been gone like two weeks.” She shook her head, loving how much he wanted to be around her. “I miss you too.”

“How was your work today? Pal around with Peter all day?” he said with a sneer in his voice.

“I sold someone a table today.” She beamed with pride. “My first real piece of furniture.”

“That’s awesome, babe. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks. I’m going to a party tomorrow night to celebrate.”

“You’re going to a party?” John’s eyebrows shot up.

“Yeah. At Gabe’s. I’m going with Chris.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” he looked like he just smelt some rotten eggs.

“Why would you ask that? Gabe’s my friend. I’m going to a party at my friend’s house.”

“I know he’s gonna be there. It already sucks you spend all day working with him. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with you going to a party where there will be drinking with him.” He didn’t say his name, but LJ knew who he was talking about.

“I can’t believe you’re saying this right now.” She rolled her eyes. “I have told you a million times. Peter and I are just friends. We have a totally above-board professional slash friend relationship.”

“I just don’t trust him.” John shook his head.

“John, you’re being ridiculous.”

“You only think so because you don’t see how he looks at you.” His voice got harsher. “You’re so obliviously dumb sometimes.”

She almost dropped her phone in shock. “That’s really not nice. I don’t want to talk with you if you’re gonna be like this.”

“Then I guess we’ll don’t need to talk.” He said, not moving from his stance.

“Well I’m going to the party. You can call me later to apologize.” She took a deep breath. She ended the call and laid on her back. She stared up at her ceiling fan go round and round. “Call me back, call me back, call me back.” She whispered over and over again, wanting John to be the boy of her dreams. They didn’t argue often. John was the safe choice because they have so much in common. The few disagreements they had were mostly resolved by a day of the silent treatment and one of them giving in. It was much different than with Peter. They would actually argue, both of them being more stubborn then they would like to admit. But the arguing lead to them saying how they were feeling, which made them make up and feel closer than ever.

Within a few minutes, her phone rang. “Hello?” she picked it up before even looking at the caller ID.

“I’m sorry.” She heard John mumble on the phone. “I had a long day and am really tired. I didn’t mean it. I just really miss you. Will you forgive me?”

She bit the inside of her mouth and smiled. “Only because you’re so cute.” She flipped over to laying on her stomach and started asking more questions about the case he was helping with.

* * *

“Fuck. I am so out of shape.” Trevor huffed as he slowed to a stop on their run.

“It’s only been a mile, dude.” Peter wiped the sweat from his brow.

“It’s summer. Why did I agree to go with you in the middle of the day? It’s too fucking hot.”

“Sweat out all the toxins so you can handle your booze tonight.” Peter tried to pump up his friend.

“Let’s walk.” Trevor pointed his water bottle forward. The boys started on the path. “Do you know who’s coming tonight?”

“Everyone?” he laughed. “It’s a party at Gabe’s. I think people in different states know about it.”

“I heard Lara Jean is going to be there.” Trevor looked down at his walking feet. “Her and Chris are hanging out before.”

“She is. I invited her at the store the other day.”

“Do you think it’s fucking weird you’re working together all summer?” Trevor let out indelicately.

“No. We’re friends. It’s fine.” He moved his water bottle between his hands.

“I think its fucking weird. I don’t know if I could forgive someone who destroyed me that.”

“Well maybe I’m a better human than you.” Peter smirked.

“Dude, I know you still have feelings for her. You’re torturing yourself having her around all the time. You could literally get any girl in our school. Just pick one and move on. I hate to see you so hung up on her. I love Lara Jean, but dude, she picked the other guy.”

He shook his head. “It’s not that easy.” He looked up at his friend. “I still love her.”

“Ever heard that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else?”

“Dude.” Peter gave his best friend a glare. “Don’t be disrespectful.”

Trevor sighed. “I just want you to be happy. I hate seeing you so down in the dumps.”

“I know. Thanks for looking out.” He half smiled. “Now start running or I’m leaving you at the park.” He took off in a sprint through the rest of the park.

* * *

Lara Jean sat cross legged on Chris’s bed as her friend put the final touches on her berry red lip. The music filled the room with the energy that Lara Jean needed to get her ready for the party. “I like this. Who is it?”

“I don’t know. It’s a random playlist on Spotify.” Chris puckered her lips, making sure they would be adequately kissable for Trevor. “You can go look.”

Lara Jean approached the computer in her maroon and white romper. It was some indie band she never heard of. She shrugged it off and grabbed her strappy white espadrille sandals with a woven bottom from the ground. “John Ambrose told me he lives down the street from a really cool record store in DC. I can look for something when I go visit.”

Chris rolled her eyes. She has never been a fan of John. He always came off as too nice and not genuine to her. “I’ll send you a list.” She got up and adjusted her bright blue crop top over her black denim shorts. “Is this showing too much stomach?” She asked LJ for fashion advice.

“You look hot.” She examined her friend. “I love the booties with it.”

“Thanks. Trevor always says he loves me in blue.” She smiled dreamily for a moment before coming back to earth. “Not that it matters. I am an independent woman. I can dress however I see fit.”

“I would expect nothing else from my feminist icon.” She stood up and rifled through Chris’s messy jewelry drawer. She picked up a set of gold earrings and handed them to her friend. “Final touch.”

Chris smiled and slid them on. “You’re right. There perfect.” She turned to LJ. “You know everyone is going to be there tonight, right?”

“Yes?” she wondered where this line of questioning was going. 

“Like, Peter, your ex-boyfriend, once love of your life, Peter Kavinsky is going.”

“Yeah. He’s the one who invited me.” Lara Jean flipped her hair back.

“He did?” Chris leaned back, shocked.

“He did. Since we’ve been working at the store, we’ve actually become really good friends. I like having him in my life again.”

“And, I like that you’re keeping that door open.” Chris gawked at her best friend since childhood.

“What do you mean keeping that door open?” Lara Jean stood there puzzled.

“You’re spending everyday with PK. Long, hot, summer hours. Alone in the store together. You’re not closing yourself off to anything happening. In fact, you’re putting yourself in the situation to make something happen. I like that you’re keeping John on his too good to hang out with us toes.” She snickered.

“We’re just friends, Chris. We went to the diner after work the other day and talked it all out. Both of us almost cried. It was nice to get everything off our chests. It felt very grown up.” She adjusted the small white flower necklace John got her for her birthday.

“Listen, you know I am not the biggest fan of John Ambrose McClaren, but I think you’re doing yourself a disservice if you aren’t even considering what you and Peter could have.”

“You never even liked Peter when we were dating.” Lara Jean protested.

“But now I’ve actually gotten to know him and he’s a good person. He was good for you & that boy was obsessed with you. You deserve someone who loves you like that.” She gave an assuring smile at LJ before grabbing her small bag. “You ready to go?”

* * *

The party was in full force when Lara Jean and Chris walked into the house. The grand entrance always made Lara Jean feel like she entered a new world. Chris grabbed her hand and made a B line for the kitchen. “I need a drink.”

Lara Jean followed her through the crowd of people. This surely wasn’t the most crowded party she had seen at the Rivera residence, but it was still busier than LJ felt totally comfortable in. Chris shimmied them to the bar and started on her concoctions. “We feeling vodka or tequila tonight, Lara Jean?”

“Surprise me.” Lara Jean wanted to feel free tonight. She had assured John on the phone that she wouldn’t get drunk, but a drink or two wouldn’t kill her. She was working hard. She deserved to have fun.

“Tequila for the lady!” Her best friend poured the clear liquid and a mess of mixers into a Solo cup and handed it to her. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.” Lara Jean clinked their glasses before taking a sip. “What’s in this? It doesn’t even taste like alcohol?” Her eyes lit up.

“I just winged it.” She shrugged. “Maybe I should skip the college thing and become a bartender one day?”

“I’d be happy to be your regular.” She smiled.

“Wanna find Trevor with me?” She grabbed her phone from her pocket. “He said he’s outside on the bean bag chairs.”

“Sure.” Lara Jean took another sip of her drink and followed her out through the sliding glass doors. The summer air was stale. It usually cooled down once the sun set, but the heatwave was carrying the humid air throughout the night.

“Hi boys!” Chris yelled as they approached the lacrosse team sprawled out across various bean bag and blow up furniture.

“CHRISSY’S HERE!” Trevor yelled out joyfully. “COME TO ME MY BEAUTY!” He tried to say in a horribly sloppy British accent.

“Oh, someone’s already this drunk.” She leaned down to give her boyfriend a kiss. “Scoot and let me sit with you.”

He did as he was told. He tried to move his body to give her room, but he was too drunk and the mechanics of the bean bag chair had prevailed. “Just sit on my lap” He pulled her down on top of him. “I just want to feel close to you.”

She gave him a wet kiss on the cheek, marking him with her lip stain. “Now you’ll never feel far away.” She joked, placing her arms around his neck.

Lara Jean stood 2 feet behind them wishing her boyfriend would show her that kind of affection. John was more of a private guy. He was so much like her. They both didn’t have a ton of close friends and in public, John was all about things staying proper. LJ had to force him to do more than hold her hand in public. In that moment, she couldn’t help but miss the way Peter would show her off, even if when it was happening she felt complete embarrassed.

“LJ!” Gabe leaned back to see her. “Don’t just stand there, join our circle.” He patted the poof next to him. She smiled and strategically placed her legs in a way no one could see up her romper.

“Thanks for the party, Gabe. It’s nuts inside.”

“Yeah, my brother invited some of his college friends from out of town. I don’t even know half the people here. But as long as people are having fun, I will have to enjoy myself.” He cheered their cups together and took a sip. “How’s Johnny doing?”

Lara Jean took another long sip of her drink. “He’s good. He’s in DC for the summer for an internship.”

“You’re spending the whole summer apart? That blows.”

“Well, not the whole summer. I’m planning to catch the train in a next week to spend the weekend up there.”

“That’s dope. He better know how lucky he is to have a girl like you.”

“Thanks Gabe.” She leaned her shoulder against him for a second. “That’s very sweet of you to say.”

“You know we were all Team PK over here, but as long as you’re happy, we can all be good right?”

 _Team PK?_ Had her life turned into some Twilight saga love triangle and she was unaware of it. She rolled her eyes and took another sip of her drink.

Her eyes followed his long legs up to see Peter approaching. She smiled up at him, cheeks flush from the tequila running through her system. He hunkered down next to her and Gabe on the grass, Solo cup in hand.

“What are you drinking?” Lara Jean started to sway to the pop beats from inside the house.

“La Croix.” He looked down at his cup. “I’m driving so I’m not drinking tonight.”

“You convinced me to come to this party and you won’t even have a drink with me?” She razzed him. “Looks like I’m the fun one now.”

“You’ve had half of one drink, Covey. Slow your roll.” He jabbed back.

Lara Jean took that as a challenge and downed the remainder of her drink. “One.” She pridefully giggled at him. 

He shook his head and bit his lip. She looked so cute when she was delightfully blushed. Her skin was glowing even in the dim outdoor lighting. Peter didn’t even think it was possible for someone to shine as much as her. Everyone knew Lara Jean was still such a lightweight. She would be wasted by the time she finished another drink. He was just excited to be around her when she let her hair down.

* * *

“OH, I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY!” the crowd sung along on the packed dance floor. Lara Jean and Lucas were dramatically spinning into each other as Whitney Houston serenaded their ears. Their entire friend group jumped up and down to the 80s beats, carefree and inhibition free.

Everyone, but Peter, was pleasantly drunk by this point. He knew how to enjoy himself without being drunk as he often pulled the short string to be the DD. He jumped along to the music, singing along with his arms draped over Gabe’s shoulders. He tried not to stare at her, but it was without hope. He was memorized by Lara Jean’s every move. The way her hips swayed back and forth. The glimmer of sweat glistening on her toned legs. Her hair flipping back and forth to the beat. He felt his heart beat faster as she approached him. He shimmied his shoulders at her. “What can I do for you, Covey?”

“Dance with me.” She pulled him towards her.

Peter felt his body tense up. He stepped forward and moved his shoulders back and forth awkwardly.

“Why are you being so weird?” She spun around, making the bottom of her romper flow around her upper thighs.

“Boundaries?” he yelled above the music. The song switched to something a bit slower.

“Stop being dumb and really dance with me.” She flashed her puppy dog eyes while placing his hand on the small of her back and holding onto the other. Peter sucked in a breath. He knew he had very little control when it came to her. He hadn’t been this close to her in a purposeful way in a long time.

His heart was racing a million miles a minute as he swayed both of them to the music. She rested her head on his chest. His whole body twitched as he tried to keep his composure. “Lara Jean.” He said just loud enough for her to hear.

“I like this song.” She swayed back and forth with him. His chest was perfectly muscular and acted as her perfect pillow.

“What are we doing right now?” He tried to look away from her.

“Just let me have one more minute.” She looked up at him lovingly before laying her cheek against his heart. “Your heart is beating so fast right now. I like it.”

He let out a long deep breath. He stood there still for the remainder of the song, letting her sway along. He was so confused. His hand could feel her pulse through her back. He used all his might to not pull her even closer to him.

The final notes of the song began to fade out and Lara Jean pulled back. She looked up at Peter’s handsome face and stared deeply into his piercing green eyes. Her mouth slightly ajar, unable to say a word. They stood frozen in that position for longer than they should have before Peter dropped his hand from the curvature of her back. He nodded at her, trying to seem okay from the outside even when his heart wanted to scream out for her.

She stumbled taking a step back. “Oh wow. I’m drunker than I thought.” She tried to keep her balance.

“Whoa there, party girl.” He tried to help her. “I think you’ve had enough tonight.”

“Peter, I’m fine.” He could hear how much she was slurring at the point.

“You won’t be in the morning, drunkie.” He ran his hand through his curls. “Let me take you home.”

“I just have to say goodbye before we go.” Her arms flailed around wildly.

“They’ll be fine, I promise. Just get in the Jeep and I’ll drive you home. Okay?” He tried to lead her to a less crowded area.

“Okay strong man.” She poked him with more might than you’d expect from a girl of 5 feet tall. 

“You’re so weirdly strong, I don’t understand how your body works.” He joked as he opened the front door and put out his arm to keep her balanced. She grabbed it and stumbled to the car. Peter made sure she was securely seat belted and shut her door. He got in his side and turned on the car. A softly heartbreaking song played over the speakers. “Let’s get you home.”

* * *

He pulled up to the Covey household. She had fallen asleep against the passenger side window.

“Covey.” He tried to poke her awake. “Covey, we’re at your house. It’s time to go inside.”

She slowly opened her eyes. “I don’t know if I can make it to the door.”

“Okay.” He sprung into action. Peter ran over to her side and gently opened the door. “I’m gonna help you, but you need to work with me.” Grunts came from her throat as he helped her down from the car. “Hold onto my arm, Covey.” He directed and she obeyed. “We’re gonna take a little walk.” She leaned up against him and he helped her stumble to the porch. “We have to get up the steps now. Can you take one step up?”

“I can do anything I set my mind to. My dad taught me that.” She took an over exaggerated step up.

“Excellent.” He chuckled, trying to hold her up while knocking on the door.

“Who’s there?” Lara Jean slurred through her giggles. Peter tried to stifle his laugh. How was she this cute complete hammered?

The door swung open to Dr. Covey rubbing his eyes. “Hello?” He blinked his eyes open a couple times before everything became clear. “Peter Kavinsky.” He said smiling before looking at his very drunk daughter. “Oh gosh. Can you help me get her to the couch?”

“Yeah.” He walked through the front door and walked with her over to the couch. “Time to lay down, Covey.” He helped her down onto their bright white couch in the family room.

“I think I’m gonna close my eyes.” She whispered as she drifted off as she nuzzled against the fluffy throw pillow.

Peter looked up at Dr. Covey who was looking at him reassured. “Think she’ll be okay?”

“Probably a little hangover in the morning, but that should teach her how to take her alcohol.” Her father put his hands on his hips. “I can’t thank you enough for getting her home safely.”

“Chris made her drinks. So it might be worse than expected.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s no problem. I’m just glad to get her home safe.” Peter smiled back at her dad.

“You’re a good guy, Peter Kavinsky.” He pat him on the shoulder. “I know I have a hard time not seeing all of you as little kids, but you’ve grown into a fine man. I’m really proud of you.”

“Thank you Dr. C.” He shyly smiled before looking down at a safely sleeping Lara Jean. He sighed, feeling a pride and a relief from the closet thing he’s had to a father figure in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: In my re-read of the final book before the movie comes out, I realized that the antique store does have a name (Linden & White), but I will never remember that so Kavinsky's Antiques it is for this story. 
> 
> Hope you don't mind a longer than usual chapter from me. I just needed to get it all out. 
> 
> Thank you for all your super supportive comments! They mean the world to me! 
> 
> Next Chapter coming Saturday!


	5. Levels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is Rated M.

“Thank you for stopping by! Come again soon!” Lara Jean waved to the store’s latest customer. She leaned against the counter and watched Peter move the furniture around the store. He effortlessly lifted a nightstand in each arm and moved it to another set up. Lara Jean silently ogled at the curvature of his biceps. She closed her eyes and remembered how it felt to have them wrapped around her. Hard yet soft. Strong but safe.

BING! went her cell phone breaking out of her Peter Kavinsky daydreams. She grabbed it from her back pocket, waking her phone screen up. A text from John.

_Going to miss our chat tonight. Forgot I promised to help out late tonight. xx_

She quickly texted back feeling almost relieved she could get a night off.

_If they asked you, you must be doing a great job! Will text you goodnight. :)_

“Who ya texting?” Peter asked as he passed the counter.

“Oh,” she scrambled to put her phone back in her pocket. “Just John. He’s working late tonight.” She didn’t know how comfortable to be with him anymore. She knew nothing really happened at the party. She was drunk but not black out. All she remembered was having an exceptional night with her friends, joking around, dancing. Everything was as she relayed to John, “above board”.

“Is he liking the law firm?” Peter put down an old leather chair in view of the window.

“I think so. He told me that he does a lot of filing and research, which sounds horrible to me, but to each their own right? He loves DC though. He even said he thinks he wants to go to college there now.”

“Any school in particular?” Peter adjusted the chair to open up the space. His mom had taught him well.

“I don’t know. All he told me is that it’s super hard to get into schools there.” She shrugged.

“Isn’t be like Mr. Smarty Pants? I’m sure he’ll get in no problem. Plus, if his uncle is this high-powered lawyer, he’s probably got an in somewhere.”

“You’re not wrong.” She smiled and watched him try to sort out the accessory placement in their new display. “Want some help with that?”

“You mean you don’t think my “throw everything on the table and rifle through it” display looks good?”

“It’s certainly…. something.” she giggled and walked over to him. “I read in a design book that you want to create levels in displays so the eyes can catch each individual thing. It stimulates the brain so you’ll get more excited for the products and buy more.” She started moving boxes and candles around the table display.

“You take this job way to seriously.” He held up a green vase. “What level is this?”

She looked at it for a moment examining everything else on the table. “Back left corner.” She pointed. “Your mom has been so generous teaching me all about design. The least I could do was read a quick book.”

“What are we considering a quick book now a days?” he arched his eyebrow.

She immediately flushed. “It was like a measly 300 pages. It had a lot of pictures.”

He chuckled. Peter was constantly in awe of how intelligent she was. She could race through books and retain every detail. It was a superpower he wished he could possess. He smiled at her as just the slightest bit of her tongue was visible between her teeth as she concentrated on making the display perfect. He ran his own tongue along his teeth, trying to sense her mouth on his.

Since the party, Lara Jean was all he could think about. This wasn’t entirely out of character for him, but this felt different. Whenever he closed his eyes, he would flashback to his hand on the curvature of her back, dancing close to him. His whole life seemed consumed by the fleeting moments he has had with her. He wanted to be her friend more than anything, but his attraction to her raged like a wildfire within his soul. It felt like he had reached the edge of a cliff and just couldn’t gain the courage to make the jump.

“Hi! Welcome to Kavinsky’s Antiques.” Lara Jean looked up to see an elderly woman take off her sunglasses as she entered the store as the bell rang.

“Hello there. Aren’t you a doll!” she patted the non-existent sweat off her forehead. This woman dressed as if she were a silent movie star. A crisp white cardigan hung over her silk dress just on her shoulders. Her old school mid-Atlantic accent only made her old school movie start theory grow.

“Thank you.” Lara Jean smoothed out her baby blue cotton skater style dress. “Are you looking for anything special today?”

“No. Just came into browse.” She panned the store to see where she wanted to start first.

“Well, I’m Lara Jean if you have any questions, just let me know.” She smiled and walked back over to the display with Peter while the woman explored the other side of the store.

Peter picked up a ceramic alligator and brought it up to Lara Jean’s shoulder. “I promise I won’t bite you, Lara Jean. Put me on the top level. I’m a crowd pleaser.” He said in a funny deep voice.

Lara Jean broke out in a fit of laughter. “What is that voice?”

“It’s my Al the Alligator voice. I think I captured his essence.” He smiled proudly. The veins in his neck became visible from his goofy smile. Lara Jean lingered on them for a moment, taking in his overwhelming sweetness.

“Hate the voice. Love the little guy.” He bopped the sculpture on the nose. “He gets to go up front.”

“Oh, hell yeah.” He exclaimed in his alligator voice while lifting the merchandise above his head before placing him front and center.

Lara Jean stood there for a moment and examined her work. “I think it looks pretty good Kavinsky.” She smiled up at him.

“We make a good team.” He put his hand up for a high five. She met his hand and he held it in his for a moment. Both of them were lost in each other’s smiles, not realizing their precarious situation.

“Lara Jean.” She heard the woman’s voice ring out.

She dropped her hand from his and rushed over to her. “Yes, ma’am.” She smiled as she saw her holding a vintage sterling silver serving tray.

“This looks just like a set my mother once had. She would use it when we had special guests in town. Do you know if you have the matching small dishes? I remember using them at my engagement tea party many, many moons ago.”

Lara Jean felt her heart swell. She loved the idea of helping someone connect with something from their past. “We usually keep sets together, but I can see if they’re in the back. Maybe we didn’t realize they went together.” She half turned when she saw Peter already making his way to the back. “Kavinsky, can you see?” She held up the tray to him and he nodded back at her. She turned back to the woman smiling. “Peter is going to search the backstock for you.”

“It must be so nice to work in such a special place.” The woman’s eyes wandered up seeing the vintage artwork.

“Who wouldn’t want to spend their days here. I get to help someone find something special every day.” LJ smiled proudly.

“Not to mention your very cute man who is in the back right now.” She elbowed LJ. LJ smiled back at her. “It’s so nice to see two young people in love making it work.”

“Oh, we’re not a couple.” Lara Jean tried to protest.

“You’re not? That’s peculiar. I would have bet my horse on it. You will be sooner or later.” She said picking up a set of hand painted coasters. "If you’re not dating, you should tell that good-looking young man that.”

“Excuse me?” she tried to smile through her confusion.

“That stud of a man looks at you like you are the only thing in the whole world.” She put her hand on Lara Jean’s shoulder. “That boy is in love with you if I’ve ever seen it and I know love. I was married for over 60 years before my Harold passed.”

Lara Jean took in a deep breath, not knowing what to do with this information. The woman had to be confused. Her and Peter were confidently friends. They had worked so hard to get back to that point. She couldn’t mess that up. If Peter still wanted something to happen, he would have done something at the party. He had every opportunity to do something at the party. Nothing happened so he must be moving on.

She shook her head slightly, remembering she had a sweet boyfriend of her own. Lara Jean opened her mouth to speak, but stopped herself as she heard the swing of the stock room door open and Peter emerge.

“I think I found them.” He held small plates wrapped in tissue and put them down on the counter. The old woman walked over to examine.

“Oh yes! These are them!” she smiled brightly. “I always hated I lost track of these. Now I’ll be able to pass something that reminds me of my mom onto my kids.” She looked between Peter and Lara Jean. “I’ll take them all.”

Lara Jean looked up at Peter and swallowed hard. His gaze met hers and she felt her stomach do a summersault. Was he still harboring feelings? Why was she suddenly feeling so flustered around him? “I’ll go wrap them up for you.” She grabbed the tray from the table and ran to the wrapping station.

* * *

The flood lights illuminated the grassy fields of the local park. The two friends had been practicing for over an hour now. Trevor had asked Peter to help him get back in shape for the fall season. He knew he probably wasn’t playing in college, but was not going to embarrass himself in front of the entire school.

Peter cradled the ball in his stick and flung it back at Trevor. “How’d the end of the party go?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot you white knighted yourself out of there with Lara Jean.”

“Did you see how drunk she was?” Peter glared at him. “I was just making sure everyone got home okay.”

“Sure. Gabe told me all about you dancing with her REAL close.” He threw the ball back at Peter.

“It was completely innocent.” He protested. “She has a boyfriend.” He gritted his teeth and flung the ball back harder than usual.

Trevor caught it in his net. “Exactly. She has a boyfriend.” He looked at him snidely.

“Trev, I was just making sure she got home okay. You and Chris were off…wherever you were and I was just trying to be a good friend.”

“Whatever, dude.” He ran back a few feet before releasing the ball through the air. Peter caught it with ease. “I have to get more power behind my pass.”

“Use your hips more.” Peter swirled his. “Give you more than just the power from your shoulders.” He sailed it back to him.

“I met someone at the party, I think you’d be into. If you’re actually trying to move on that is.” He ribbed his best friend. “She’s a senior at Crosstown. Really, really pretty. She got along with Chris. She knows Gabe’s brother Matt from the swim team.”

“Good for her.” Peter rolled his eyes. “Swimming is a lifelong sport.”

“It’s also a hot person sport.” Trevor jogged towards his friend. “I got her number for you. Her name’s Heather. Will you at least consider it?”

Peter stood stoic for a moment. He knew making LJ jealous was one way to drive her back to him, but did he really want to play those mind games? John made him a jealous mess, but he knew how LJ responded to jealousy. Not well. It could do more bad than good. It wasn’t fair to this Heather girl or LJ to be an asshole to try to prove the point to Lara Jean that they were meant to be. “I don’t-", he began to protest.

“I’m sending you her number. Just think about it.” Trevor hit him on the back before running off to pick up the spare balls they had launched in the soccer goal.

* * *

Lara Jean finished the last page of her newest romance novel. It was fill with adventures of a pirate queen and her hunky damsel (do men still count as damsels?) in distress. Although the consent was not always ecstatically given, it took her out of the four walls of her bedroom and her small hometown. If she couldn’t go to Korea with her sisters, this seemed like a decent enough substitution.

She put the book down and looked over to the alarm clock on her nightstand. She grabbed her phone. It was almost midnight and she still hadn’t received anything from John. They always sent Goodnight texts. It had become their thing to make sure they thought about each other before falling asleep. She put it down next to her in a mix of frustration and boredom. She had already gone through 6 bodice rippers since summer had started. They left her wishing for the adoration of a man, and her man was 100 miles away. 

She couldn’t quiet her mind enough to go to sleep just yet. In any dead moment, her thoughts ran to him. Lara Jean wished she could concentrate on something that wasn’t Peter Kavinsky. The woman from today’s words weighed on her heart. She had caught him occasionally looking at her when she wasn’t looking at him, but it wasn’t in a romantic way. Or was it?

She adjusted her head on the pillow. He told her he was happy to be friends. He wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it. It wasn’t in the Kavinsky way to lie. She stared at her ceiling with thoughts of Peter Kavinsky flashing through her head. She gazed down at her duvet and pulled her legs closer to her body.

Suddenly, Chris’s voice popped into her head. “Know how to rev your own engine.” She mumbled. She went beet red when Chris initially tried to educated her on female pleasure. Now seemed like a good a time as any to at least begin to explore.

She took a deep breath and bit her lip, telling herself it would be the welcome distraction she needed. She slid her hand below the waistband of her sleep shorts and decided it was time to get familiar with what was under the hood.

After fumbling around for a bit, she finally found what felt good. Her heart beat faster. She felt her whole body heat rise as she found a rhythm that worked for her. Her mind started to go into pure pleasure. This uncharted territory felt exhilarating. She felt like she was about to burst. She closed her eyes, throwing her head back to let this experience wash over her. She felt herself her body stiffen and as images race through her mind. She could no longer hold in a low moan. 

“Peter,” escaped from her lips.

Her eyes shot open and threw her free hand over her mouth. She couldn’t believe what just came out of her mouth. Her and Peter had never even had sex before. Why was he the star of her sex dreams?

She needed to see her actual boyfriend ASAP.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adventures with JAM next chapter!  
> Thank you all for the outpour of love on the last chapter. Y'all are too much! It made a girl feel super special!


	6. Adventures with John Ambrose

Lara Jean Song Covey loved the idea of traveling. The notion of waking up in a new city and having the whole day to explore & get lost in the culture felt utterly romantic. She would make lists of all the places and things she’d hope to explore one day. Eating pastries while walking along the Seine in Paris, snorkeling with the turtles in Thailand, singing along to a random song in a pub in London were all on her bucket list.

The reality of travel never quite lived up to the hype. She was already nervous when she got on the train to DC on Friday morning. After her unexpected longing for Peter, she hadn’t been able to stop her guilt. She booked a train ticket as soon as possible. Her seat was towards the back. The fabric was ripped, exposing the worn-down padding. The train smelled stale, like something rancid had been baked in the summer sun too long. A family full of crying toddlers was next to her, making more noise than she thought possible. The decibel levels eclipsed the true crime podcast she had downloaded to keep her company. Her raging headache pounded until the train pulled into the station.

She stepped off the train with her weekender bag slung over her arm and looked around for the signs to the exit. She filed out following the other commuters through the domed station platforms. She began to see the sun shining outside when she reached the top of the steep elevator. John said he’d be there when she arrived.

She looked around for his sweet face. He wasn’t there. She grabbed her phone from her pocket to see if he had reached out. Nothing. She texted him to see where he was. Her phone immediately rang.

“Hi John Ambrose. Where are you?” she smiled nervously.

“I’m so sorry, Lara Jean. I’m on my way now. I just had to take notes at the morning meeting and it ran long. I’ll be there in 10.”

“Oh okay. Do you know where I should wait for you? This place is huge.”

“There’s a coffee stand you can hit up. I’m so sorry. I will be right there.” He exclaimed before hanging up the phone.

Lara Jean pulled her phone away from her face in disappointment. She had been there for less than 5 minutes and her excited nerves turned into normal nerves. She sat down disappointed and scrolled through her phone. She flipped through her various open tabs of different restraunts & stores she wanted to experience.

A few minutes later, John came sauntering up to her. Lara Jean smiled but was weirdly judging that he wasn’t in more of a rush. She threw her arms around his neck and he pulled her into a tight hug. “Hi LJ!” he kissed the side of her head. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for being late. I know you hate being late. How was your trip in? Did you get a window seat? I know you love a window seat. Did you listen to that podcast I told you about? Was it too scare for you? I realized it’s a bit more intense than I thought it was going to be.” He nervously word vomited. 

Lara Jean felt her body relax. John was just as she knew him. Sweet, attentive, a little bit neurotic. She flattened a wrinkle in his baby blue button-down shirt. She felt so comfortable around him. She reached up and kissed his cheek. “I missed you.”

He grabbed her hand and smiled back at her. “I missed you too.” Lara Jean watched his face blush slightly and giggled at him. He took her overnight back from her and slung it over his shoulder. “Let’s go.”

* * *

After dropping her bags off at his uncle’s house, they set off for their adventure. Lara Jean insisted their first stop be The National Gallery of Art. She was desperate to see their new exhibit on Asian American artists that Margo told her about. They walked through the halls that seemed to go on forever. John held her close the entire time. Being in a new city where no one knew them must have made him feel free to be as publicly affectionate as he wanted.

They sat on a concrete bench in one of the extra-long halls. Lara Jean watched John examine the landscape in front of him. His features were soft and non-threatening. His eyes, half squinted, were fixed on the art in front of him. She loved how passionate he was about art and culture. It made him seem so intelligent and worldly, the complete opposite then most of the boys she knew at home. He turned his head to look at look at her. A smile breaking across his face. “What do you think of this one?”

“It’s interesting.” She blushed. “I think the way the artist uses different shades of blue juxtaposed with the bright yellow flowers tells me a lot about the person’s headspace.”

“What do you mean?” he cocked his head.

“I mean, it’s darker than you think it should be. The brightness of the yellow flowers alludes that it should be a happy place, like happy frolicking in the flowers, but the darker colors as you go up. It just makes it seem like they are fighting his depressive thoughts.”

“I didn’t even think of that.” He looked back at the painting again. Lara Jean leaned her head against her shoulder. She loved small moments like this. She tried to remember every sense of it. The high-pitched scuffle on the marble floors, the smell of sunscreen on a summer day, and the chatter of parents trying to teach their kids about art on school break all solidified in her head.

BING. John’s phone went off, bursting her magic love bubble. He adjusted his posture, unintentionally pushing her head off his shoulder. He looked at it for a moment before mumbling something to himself.

“Everything okay?” LJ asked.

“Uh, yeah. Just got to look up some numbers and text them to Mr. Edwards.” He tapped on his phone.

“Sure.” She tried to remain calm. He was passionate about what he was doing and knew he was determined to do a good job. Even though she wanted the day just for them, she felt selfish asking him to drop everything for her. They sat there for a couple moments as John was in his phone. Some passersby looked at them with a side eye. Lara Jean gently tapped her foot as he sighed. She looked over at his phone to see what he was doing. He was texting Rachel, the other intern at the company. “John, if you need to go into the office, we can go.”

“No.” he looked up at her for the first time in minutes. “I’m sorry. They moved up the case date for something and Rachel is freaking out because we were supposed to not need these documents for a few weeks and now we need it by Tuesday.”

“Is Rachel okay?” Lara Jean put her hand on his.

“Yeah. She’ll be fine. I just saved something on my computer rather than our secured drive.”

“Does she like the job as much as you?”

“I think so. She’s already studying law so she has a leg up on me. But, she gave me a few books to read that she said really helped with her Intro to Law classes. So, she’s cool I guess. We sometimes will go grab dinner after work to actually relax and talk about something other than briefs and filing.” He smiled. Lara Jean winced, it was the most excited he had been since she had gotten there. She immediately tried to push that thought out of her head and tried to concentrate being with her very cute boyfriend.

“Anything you want to see here?” John asked still glancing down at his phone.

LJ began to feel a bit dejected. They used to spend hours meandering museums closer to home. He must be too distracted to really get into anything, she thought. “I’m okay. Why don’t we go back to your place and take a nap before getting ready for dinner?” She half suggested so he could get off his phone and pay attention to her.

“Sounds perfect.” he smiled. “Let’s head out.”

* * *

Lara Jean sat on the floor in front of a full-length mirror as she put the finishing touches on her make up. She had settled into one of the children’s room at the house. Her dad had only agreed to let her go if she had her own room to say in, so the princess single bed and unicorns on the wall would have to do.

She stood up and smoothed out her light pink flowy top over her white embroidered skirt. It was hot in the swamp of DC. She needed something that breathed. John Ambrose told her they were going to his favorite Mexican spot a few blocks away. She thought it would be romantic to walk there as dusk turned into the night.

She took a brush and ran it through her hair once again. She glanced into the mirror and sighed. They were alone in the house for the weekend, John’s family was out of town for a wedding. She wanted this to go better than this. She wanted to feel close to him, for all the thoughts about Peter to wash away as soon as she felt John’s arms around her. But, that was not the case. She felt even more distant from him than before. A night out, just the two of them, would be just want she needed to make it right.

* * *

Dinner had gone well so far. They sat at a small table in the back corner of the eatery. They spoke about a lot about their families. Lara Jean told him all about the camps Kitty would attend and the new grill recipes her dad had insisted on mastering. John told stories about hanging out with his 8-year-old cousin, Julia, and her constant want for dress up tea parties when he got home from the office. It started to feel natural again, like they could share anything as they worked through their meals.

John’s phone buzzed for the 100th time today. Lara Jean rolled her eyes as he looked at it, half in his pocket. She became more frustrated by the minute. “John, it’s late, can you please get off your phone? I don’t think they need you at 8 at night.”

“Lara Jean,” he sighed disgruntledly. “It’s my job. I have to answer.”

“I know you care about your job, but you’re an intern. You can take a night off.”

“It doesn’t work that way.”

“John, you can ask for a day off. I asked Mrs. Kavinsky for the entire weekend off. It was fine. People understand you need to have a life outside of work.”

“There’s a difference between working in a little store and working at a law firm.” He said firmly.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Lara Jean sat back in her chair.

“You can take days off. You hang out with your ex-boyfriend all day selling knick-knacks to old tourists. I’m doing work to try to keep people out of jail. There’s a difference."

“So, you think I’m not really working?” she felt her ears get red with fury. John was not going to make her feel bad for not having the same dreams as him. Just because her were more creatively driven, didn’t make them any less valid.

“You are, but it’s not the same. Half of your job is flirting with Peter and keeping him company. It’s not fun for me to think about you spending all day with him. So, sorry if I’m not the biggest fan of your job.”

“Jealousy is not a good look on you.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t give me things to be jealous about.”

“I needed a job. I am interested in art and design. Mrs. Kavinsky has been taking me on decorating appointment with her. I’m getting to learn about fabrics and color theory and design principals most people would have to go to school to learn. Plus, I’m learning all about merchandising and customer service skills. I sell things that make people happy. Don’t you dare tell me that my job is flirting with Peter.”

“You’re telling me that he hasn’t made a single move on you?” He crossed his arms.

“No. He hasn’t. Like I told you a hundred times after the party. He has been respectful and supportive of me trying to learn something new. He’s one of my best friends.”

“Supportive of get in your pants.” John scoffed.

“John Ambrose. That’s horrible.” She whispered holding back tears.

A moment of silence held in the thick air. “Fuck.” John rolled his head back. “You know I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” He reached his hand across the table and held it for her. “I just missed you so much. I’m super stressed at work. You know I didn’t mean any of it.”

Lara Jean felt a mix of wrath and miserable. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. She put her hand on his and let him interlock their fingers. She sucked at her teeth, trying not to explode or burst out into tears.

“Let’s go home.” John tried to smile and catch her gaze. She nodded and took a deep breath. Maybe being in a new space would actually let them feel connected.

* * *

“Knock, knock” She stuck her head inside his room. His back was turned to her, typing on his laptop.

He turned halfway around to meet her gaze. All he could muster was a half-smile. “Hi LJ.”

“Mind if I come in?” she smiled at him, trying to lighten the mood as she closed the door behind her. She was wearing a cute mint green silk pajama short set. It was lined with a soft white lace. Lara Jean thought the shorts made her butt look awesome. Did she love that she was going to use her body to salvage the weekend? No. Was she going to pass up the opportunity get in a much needed make out session? Absolutely not.

“You look pretty.” He rubbed his eyes. She stepped closer to him in her best sexy walk.

“Thank you.” She slung her arms around his shoulders. “I’ve been really missing some of your world class cuddles.” She pushed her body into his back.

“I think we can make resolve that.” He nudged his head into her chest.

“Good.” She kissed her cheek and pulled him onto his bed. The sheets were a jersey cotton and made Lara Jean feel like she was wrapped in the biggest oversized t shirt. John leaned back against the headboard and Lara Jean rested her head on his chest. She loved feeling his heart beat through his shirt. “I missed this.” She looked up at him with extra dreamy eyes.

“Me too.” He leaned down to give her a quick kiss and closed her eyes. Lara Jean rested her hands on the back of his neck and pulled him closer to him. Lara Jean felt a surge run through her as their lips pressed together, with an urgency mostly brought on by her.

She felt his body shift below her and she followed his lead, still taking in his lips. She parted her lips allowing the kiss to get deeper and more passionate. Lara Jean felt her heart begin to race in excitement. Even though John Ambrose was shy in public, he never held back in private. His hands traced up and down her sides, causing goosebumps all over her body.

A confidence came over her and she moved her legs over his to surround him in a straddle. Her hands scratched the base of his neck, eliciting a deep moan that vibrated against her lips. Even if they couldn’t connect with words, they could always connect like this.

Lara Jean began to rock against him slowly, following the rhythm their kisses set forth. She felt a heat building in her chest. She swore he would be able to feel her heartbeat through her silky top.

“Lara Jean.” He broke the kiss. Lara Jean made her way to his jaw and began to place small kisses down his relaxed jawbone. ‘Lara Jean.” He announced a little firmer this time.

She picked her head up and held onto his shoulders. She saw him stern faced and slightly dead behind the eyes. “John Ambrose.” She tried to tease him lovingly.

“We should stop.” He said with a deadpan expression.

“Oh, okay.” She sat back on her legs for a second before removing herself from him. She felt utterly rejected. She thought this was helping them get back to them. Was he not feeling the same way? She respected his boundaries, but was shocked that he was so staunch about a simple make out session that they had done a million times before.

She rubbed her eyes, hoping that it would take away any tears that were forming in her eyes. She sniffled and tried to settle back into his chest. He put an arm around her. She knew it was his way to connect but at that moment, it all felt so half-hearted.

They sat in that position for a while before Lara Jean couldn’t take it any longer. “What was that?”

“What was what?” he said sleepily.

“Don’t be daft.” She rolled her eyes and sat up.

“You’re mad at me because I stopped us from making out.” He huffed.

“I’m mad at you because whenever I’m trying to connect with you, you pull away.”

“You’re being so weird. Why do you care if I didn’t want to make out with you?”

“Because you’re my boyfriend and I haven’t seen you in weeks!” she let it out. “You’re making me feel like I did something wrong, when all I was doing was making out, the thing we’ve done a million times.”

“You’re making this a big deal when it doesn’t need to be.” He gruffly crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“I don’t get why it’s not a big deal for you. You’re the one who is constantly concerned that Peter is trying to make a move on me, but you seem to want nothing to do with me after I travelled all the way to see you. You seem more concerned with your phone then your girlfriend who is right in front of you.”

“CAN WE JUST NOT TALK ABOUT PETER?” John yelled.

“Maybe if you weren’t bringing up your imaginary situation of me throwing myself at him almost every time we talk, I would.” She knew dragging out his own insecurity would get his goat.

She saw his jaw clench in anger and he shook his head. “I think we should just go to bed before you say something that is really hurtful.”

“Like you haven’t been doing it all day.” She said under her breath as she got to her feet.

John looked at her with an immediate regret and wistfulness. “I’m sorry my head has been all over.”

“Me too.” Her fists were still balled up in frustration. She took a deep breath and searched the room to find something to ground her. A well-worn book was the perfect thing to focus on. She wet her lips and looked back at him. “I don’t know why we just keep fighting. I hate it.”

“Me too.” He looked up at her, sitting on his bed.

“Want me sleep with you tonight?” she shyly asked wanting to give him a chance to redeem himself.

“I’d like that.” He nodded and opened his arm to her. She got back into his bed and rested into him. They laid still wordlessly, neither of them knowing what to say that wouldn’t result in a fight. She felt his body relax and his breath get heavy. John always had the ability to fall asleep anywhere. Her eyes watched the world outside his window.

The quiet street had the occasional car pass by, but everything else was quiet. Too quiet for Lara Jean’s thoughts not to run to her previous relationship with Peter. She thought about what it would be like if they had travelled together. Would Peter make her do something athletic if they went somewhere new? Was he a hiker? Would he insist that she did it with him? She could get a cute pair of boots out of it, she thought. She blinked hard trying to get him off her mind. Every time she tried to focus on John rather than him, she got more frustrated.

Lara Jean felt tears racing down her face over the stress of this once promising day. She couldn’t figure out the real problem. Did his job mean more to him than her? Was being in a new city changing his personality? Was John that jealous of Peter? She sniffled and shook her head.

John was in a deep sleep at this point. She rolled over to his side of the bed, fully turning his back to Lara Jean. This felt like her personal torture.

* * *

It was an overcast Saturday morning. Lara Jean rubbed her eyes open. She didn’t sleep well last night after their fight. She felt more distant from John than ever. She turned her head to see that he was already gone.

A sense of dread hung over her that she could not shake. She walked into his uncle’s kitchen to find John typing furiously away on his laptop. “Good morning.” She tried to sound chipper.

John barely looked up from his computer. “Morning.”

“Are you working…again?” she sighed.

“Yeah. I just have to get these sent over by Monday or we’ll never get it done.” His eyes danced along the screen.

“Do you just want me to go?” Lara Jean’s anxiety and anger built up inside of her.

“What?” he said, not really hearing her.

“This just seems like not the weekend to be here. You’re so distracted and I’m mad that you’re distracted. I don’t want to fight anymore, so maybe it’s best if I go home.”

“You don’t have to go.” John finally looked up.

“Are you going to be half with me, half working all day?” She leaned up against the counter.

“Lara Jean, I have work.” He tried to rationalize his actions.

“Well, then I’m gonna go.” She puckered his lips.

“Lara Jean.” He said in a scolding tone.

“You’re not going to convince me to stay. Yesterday all we did was bicker and fight. I want to think it’s just because you’re so busy at work. So, me being here is not the best option when you need to get things done. I don’t want us to fight even more right now.”

“Good job running away.” He sighed under his breath.

“Thank you for proving my point.” She turned on her heels and walked into her. She quickly jumped on her phone to change her train ticket. She knew if she stayed today and it went anything like yesterday, they would be over. She didn’t want to even think about that right now. Getting some space between them, space to think and mull if they really wanted this over would be their best medicine.

* * *

Lara Jean stood with John on the street waiting for her Uber to arrive. She turned to him and tried to read his gentle face.

“I’m sorry.” He said rubbing her arms.

“You say that a lot.” She sniffled, no longer even trying to hold in her disappointment.

“You mean so much to me. This is just really bad timing.”

“Okay.” She felt defeated and wanted to hide away.

“I’m coming home in like two weeks.” He kissed the top of her head. “We can sort out all of this then.”

“What if I don’t want to be on your timeline?” she let out without thinking as the car pulled up.

He sighed and pulled her into a hug. “Please say we’ll be okay, LJ.” She nodded into his chest and did her best to fake a smile before leaving. She didn’t feel like they were going to be okay, but couldn’t find the courage to tell him that.

* * *

It was still morning when she got back. She spent an hour laying in her room, crying into her pillow. Her world felt upside down. John, the reliable boy who made her feel safe, showed her a side she hadn’t seen before. A side she didn’t like.

She walked to the bathroom and saw her face, hallowed out from crying. She rubbed her cheeks to make her look like her again. She hated that she let this take over her body. The sudden need to prove he couldn’t bring her down took over. She glanced over at her bedside table clock. She could still go in for work.

She quickly rubbed some cream on her face, put a gloss on her lips, grabbed her purse, and headed out the door.

* * *

The store was dead. It was an overcast day and no tourists were roaming their downtown streets. Peter leaned against the counter, waiting for absolutely anything to happen. He sang along to the 90’s coffee shop playlist his mom decided would be most appealing to customers. He had dusted and shined everything yesterday. The day seemed to drag on forever. He watched the grand mahogany grandfather clock in the corner tick away, driving himself insane. He wished Lara Jean was here. They would come up with a dumb game and make the day fly by. He missed her even though she had only been gone one day.

He went back into his phone playing a matching game to pass the time. The front bell rang and he looked up. “What are you doing here?” he shook his head, making sure this wasn’t a figment of his imagination.

“DC didn’t go great.” She sighed. “I came back this morning and needed to get out of the house. Thought you could use a little help.” She looked around at an empty store. “But maybe I’m wrong.”

“It’s been dead all day.” He walked over to her and knew exactly what she needed. Peter wrapped her in a strong hug. They stood there for a moment, neither of them needing to say a word just knowing they were each other’s greatest support systems. He heard her sniffle into his navy t shirt. “Put your bag in the office and we’ll talk about if you want.”

“Is it weird to talk about this with you? Would it be like disrespecting a boundary or something?” She pulled away from him realizing she was confiding in her ex-boyfriend.

“Most definitely weird, but weird is what we do.” He smiled at her and waited for her to smile back. She did as she walked to the office.

They met and sat in one of the many living room displays near the entrance. Lara Jean grabbed a pillow and put it in front of her, not quite sure how to talk to Peter about this.

“Spill it, Covey.” He sat next to her and instantly made her feel at ease. The warmth radiating off his body, made so much of her anxiety disappear.

She recounted what happened, how dejected it made her feel and how weird it felt that they couldn’t connect even after finally being in the same place for the first time in almost a month. She felt like a weight was lifting off her as she let out her true feelings that she had been bottling up all day.

When she finally finished her word vomit, Peter grabbed her hand. He hated that she felt so bad and hated John for making her feel that way. He couldn’t help but that that he would never do that to her. She was Lara Jean. He would die to have her straddle him in a cute pajama set. He tried to get the image out of his mind and save it for later. “That sucks. I’m sorry. I know you were so excited for this weekend.” He smiled genuinely.

“Thanks.” She let out a long breath. “Thank you for letting me talk about it. I feel a little bit better actually.”

“It’s one of my many talents.” He smiled at her. Peter wished at that moment he could pull her in for a kiss and prove he was the better choice, but he stopped himself like usual. “And since you’re not in DC this weekend, want to come to the springs with us tomorrow?”

“Sure.” She laughed. “Why the hell not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your ever generous feedback!   
> I am so pumped for the final movie on Friday!   
> (Can't wait for them to cut out my favorite parts, but to each their own.)


	7. Hope Springs Eternal

She sealed the lid on her Tupperware of treats she made last night for the road trip down to the springs. Going to float along the natural lazy river in a tube with her friends was exactly the distraction she needed. John had texted her last night apologizing before going to bed. She did know where she stood with him. They hadn’t broken up, but they certainly were not in a good place. Baking out her anxiety seemed like the best method of therapy. Everyone could enjoy the cookies & mini cupcakes and take the attention away from why she was there and not in DC.

Her dad came bounding down the stairs. “Hey kiddo. You were up late.”

“Yeah. The more treats the merrier, right?” she held up multiple Tupperware containers.

“You’ll be home tonight right?” he asked pouring a cup of coffee.

“That’s the plan.” She nodded. “I made a pot pie for dinner for you and Kitty tonight.”

“Did you get any sleep at all?” he laughed.

“A few hours.” She lied. She had gotten an hour at best. She wished Margo was around to talk about this. She was at St. Andrews for the summer working on a special research project and would be gone until her fall break. She heard her phone beep, knowing it was Chris telling her they were in the driveway. “Well, I’m off.” She smiled.

“Have fun. Be safe. Make sure you wear your sunscreen.” Her dad yelled out as she grabbed her bags from the front table.

“Will do. See you later Dad!” she waved and walked out the door.

Chris’s head was already out the back window. “LJ! I’M SO HAPPY YOU’RE COMING WITH!”

Lara Jean yelled back, “ME TOO!” she opened the back door of Mrs. Pike’s SUV. Peter, Chris, and Trevor were already in the car. She placed her bags behind her and slid along the bench seating to sit next to Chris. “Good morning friends!” she smiled. “I brought snacks.” She held up one of many Tupperware containers. 

“You never let me down, LJ.” Trevor smiled at her from the driver’s seat. He held his hand out behind him. Lara Jean slid a cookie into his hand. He gobbled it down, creating a mess on his lap.

Peter shook his head laughing at his friend. His eyes met Lara Jeans for a fleeting moment. Peter had promised to not tell any details of what happened with John. He was just happy she agreed to come. He hated how sad she was last night. He was determined to turn her mood around.

“Let’s hit the road!” Trevor exclaimed backing out of her driveway. The springs were about two hours south. Lara Jean had only been to the springs one time before. Josh had taken her and Margo on the busiest day of the season. They could barely get downstream through the floating islands of every type of inflatable you could imagine. She was excited to go with her friends and not feel like the ever present third wheel.

Chris leaned over to her as the boys began to fight about what music to play. “You don’t need to tell me the details, but is everything okay?”

Lara Jean shrugged. “I honestly don’t know.” She tried to smile but felt tears coming up. She sniffled them back. “I don’t want to think about him or the horrible time we had. I just want to relax and have fun today.”

“Well, I can certainly make sure that happens.” She pulled her close and gave her a kiss on the side of her head. Lara Jean giggled. Chris had a gift for lifting the mood no matter what the situation. The girls turned their attention to the boys up front.

“Just give me the Aux cord.” Peter pestered his best friend. “The person in the passenger seat is in charge of the music. It’s road trip law.”

“No. I spent hours curating the perfect road trip playlist. We’re listening to it.”

“You have the worst sense of music. I do not want to listen to the Jonas Brothers the entire ride down.” He lamented.

“Hey, the Jonas Brothers slap. Have you heard Lovebug? Put some respect on their name.” Trevor said turning onto the highway.

“Better idea.” Chris reached up front to grab the cord away from the boys. “I’m playing DJ.” Before the boys could begin to protest, Chris plugged her phone in and hit play on her music. “Problem solved.” She smiled.

Lara Jean smiled, feeling lighter being around her friends. Her phone binged. She took a quick glance, a text from John. She rolled her eyes and immediately put it back into the pocket of her jean shorts. She needed the day to boost her mood before she could even begin to figure out what was going on with John. She didn’t know what to say to John even if she wanted to reply. Lara Jean glanced out the window and watched the world pass by, hoping things would start to make sense. 

“So, let’s play a game.” Chris leaned against the window.

“Anything you want Chrissy.” Trevor replied. “What did you have in mind?”

“What about Never Have I Ever?” she suggested with a smirk.

“NO!” Lara Jean and Peter let out in unison before breaking out in laughter. Peter knew how much she despised the game, mostly because it made her feel boring like she had not experienced anything in life.

“Would you rather?” She leaned into her friends.

“I’m down.” Peter shrugged and looked to the backseat to see how Lara Jean was feeling. She gave him a small smile before turning to Chris. “Who’s got one?”

“Okay, I have one. Would you rather lose the ability to lie or believe absolutely everything you’re told?” Lara Jean sat up tall asked the car. She had a debate about this with Margo a few weeks ago. Her big sister was in an ethics lecture this semester and would constantly pose her essay questions to her.

“I’d not be able to lie.” Chris said thinking hard about the topic. “People already think I’m bitchy, now they’ll know they were right when I have to share my honest opinion on things.”

“I believe everything people tell me anyway.” Trevor laughed to himself. Trevor was not dumb, just obliquely gullible. It’s what made him the sweet boy he was.

“You can’t even lie about the little stuff?” Peter questioned to himself. “Ugh, life would be much easier if you believed everything you’re told, but you’d get so taken advantage of.” He thought for a moment. “Never lying.” He decided.

“Same.” Lara Jean smiled at him. His sunglasses hung on his t shirt, pulling it down just enough to sneak a peak of his muscular chest. She could sense her head laying on his chest while watching a movie at her house. His muscles were perfectly toned and the perfect firmness to act as a pillow. She coughed to break herself out of her thoughts.

“Would you rather randomly time travel every time you fart or randomly teleport every time you sneeze?” Peter asked super seriously.

“Fart.” Lara Jean immediately responded. “You can control when you fart. You can’t control when you sneeze. Imagine when you have a cold.”

“Of course, you’re concerned about when you get sick.” Chris laughed. “I would teleport. Time travel is too glitchy.”

“You’ve watched Back to the Future too many times.” Trevor adjusted his posture with one hand on the wheel.

They played the game the entire way down. Some answers elicited bits of laughter, some full-on arguments. They lost track of time in their pure enjoyment.

“WE’RE HERE!” Trevor yelled as they pulled into the parking lot.

Chris hooted and hollered as they jumped out & unloaded the trunk. Peter and Trevor held each side of the cooler as they stood in line for the tube rental.

Lara Jean stood next to Peter. He already smelled like coconut scented sunscreen. She rocked back and forth to keep her energy up, she thought if she stopped for just a second, she’d want to fall asleep. She accidentally bumped him with her hip. She jumped back as his head snapped towards her. “Did you just butt bump me?” A bright smile sprung across his face. 

“Not intentionally, I swear.” She swung one of their bags in her hands.

He tried to throw his hip out at her but she was out of reach. He looked like an uncoordinated toddler trying to dance. She threw her head back in a fit of giggles.

“This is completely unfair.” He adjusted his grip on the cooler still swinging his hips around foolishly.

“What the hell is going on here?” A voice from behind them questioned. It was Gabe and some other lacrosse guys and girlfriends. Peter put the cooler down and gave his friend a bro hug.

“Hi Gabe.” Lara Jean smiled looking back at Peter mischievously.

“I didn’t think you were coming?” He gave her a quick hug.

“Me neither.” She tried to brush it off without much fanfare. “I’m so excited for this though. It’s so beautiful out.”

“I bribed the weather gods. You’re welcome.” Gabe shrugged.

“How many do we need?” Trevor yelled out as they approached the front of the line.

“10.” Gabe shouted. Trevor gave him a thumbs up before approaching the counter. Peter followed behind.

A pretty girl with long dirty blonde hair joined the group. “Hi.” She waved as she searched through the group. Her eyes eventually landing on Peter. Lara Jean watched her look him up and down.

“Heather!” Trevor turned around with a smile. “I’m glad you made it. We’ve been telling everyone about you.” He glanced over at Peter. “Have you met Peter yet?”

_Heather?_ Peter searched his mind for who this person was. _Heather?!_ Heather was the girl Trevor was trying to set him up with. He froze for a second before looking over at Lara Jean who was smiling at the rest of the group.

“Heather.” She stuck her hand out to him. He shook it and faked a smile. “Nice to meet you.” He stepped back creating distance between both Lara Jean and Heather. He didn’t want to pursue anything with her in the first place. He especially didn’t want to when the girl he loved would be mere feet away.

“Y’all ready to go? They’re tying our floats together now.” Trevor smiled at Peter and raised his eyebrows.

Peter sighed. He didn’t know this was the plan. He would have never invited Lara Jean or put her in this situation if he knew Heather was coming. He ran his hands through his hair and followed the group down to the starting area.

Peter felt his head running a million miles a minute. This was the first time he was meeting this person. It’s not like they went on a date and needed to tell Lara Jean about it. Not that he would even if he did. They were broken up, and even if Lara Jean was single now, she didn’t tell him if she was or not, he didn’t have to get her approval. She sure didn’t when she started seeing John.

Lara Jean came up next to him. She had taken off her clothes and was now just in her bikini and UVA hat from her dad. “Wanna be my float buddy?” she smiled.

“I think they just putting them all together.” He nodded, trying to be respectful. He was blown away by her right now and didn’t know if he’d be able to handle himself if it was just the two of them. Her bikini was typical Lara Jean. The high waisted bottoms & frilly top made her look hot and cute at the same time. But, the UVA hat she was wearing was really doing unexpected things to his body.

“Oh, okay.” She tried to brush off what felt like a rejection. “I’m going to go see if Chris needs help loading the middle holder tube thing.” LJ raced to her friend to avoid any further embarrassment.

* * *

The current was stronger than usual in the springs. The usual calm, gentle flow moved more swiftly than anyone had remembered. Their group’s tubes had been tied together. Lara Jean’s was tied to Chris’s on the end. They had gotten in the back since they were loading what they didn’t want back in the car. As she usually was, Chris was engaged in a debate on the validity of taking a gap year. Was college all these people wanted to talk about?

Gabe had put on music that made this float downstream feel like they were in the Bahamas and not in rural Virginia. Lara Jean sat back in her tube with a hard seltzer in her cupholder. She took in the sun and tried to melt any troubles away.

A wave crashed on a bank side rock making the tubes move up and down like a rollercoaster. LJ used to always get seasick as a kid, but now the gentle rocking brought her into an even deeper relaxation. Her head was placed on the back of her tube and she gentle sung along with the song from the 70s.

Another wave crashed and she heard a clamoring from the rest of the group. One of the lacrosse guys she didn’t know, maybe his name was Donny, was trying to push the other guy she didn’t know off his tube. She smiled and put her head back. Suddenly the rocking of her tube felt very different, more intense, less relaxing. By the time she sat up nervously, the waves had knocked her tube lose from the group. She saw them at least 15 feet ahead of her. She yelled out. “GUYS! HELP I CAME UNTIED!” She tried kicking her feet to move the floatie forward but it was no luck, her legs barely reached the water. She was getting turned around in the current heading for a big rock. “FUCK!” She tried to paddle herself to a safe corner but the current was getting stronger.

As she was trying to steady herself in the tube, she heard him. “I got you.” Peter said bobbing in the water, holding onto the handles of her tube. She looked at him with a genuine fear in her eyes that he never saw before. He kicked his feet and swam her to a small bank so she could get her bearings.

“Thank you.” She said in a huff as she hopped out of the tube. “I don’t even know what happened. All of a sudden I was so far away.” She crossed her arms to self sooth her anxiety.

“It’s not a problem, Covey.” He put his hands on her shoulders. “Are you okay? No bumps, bruises or contusions?” He tried to respectfully look her body over to make sure everything was okay.

“I think I’m fine, just a little shaken. It was kind of scary.” She tried to make it sound like a joke, but he knew she didn’t think anything about it was funny. Peter pulled her into a hug. She rested her head on his bare chest and instantly felt a wave of comfort & security rush over her. His skin was soft and warm from the sunshine. Peter rested his cheek on her head. They stood there for a minute.

“Ready to go back?” Peter moved his chin on top of head.

“Yeah.” She sighed and pulled away from him. “But you don’t have a tube.”

“I’ll hold onto yours.” He shrugged. “We’ll catch up in no time.”

“We should share it. Each take a half?” She nodded. Peter turned to set up the tube for them. “Peter.” She let out.

He turned back to her. “Yeah?”

“Thank you for saving me.” She smiled. “You always are the one to save me.”

He smiled back at her. He would do anything for her. “Anytime, Covey.”

* * *

Over an hour later, they finally arrived back at the loading point 10 minutes after their friends. To make Lara Jean feel less stressed, he told her the story of when he and his dad tried kayaking when he was a kid and swore he almost got attacked by a shark, even though they were in a lake with no connection to the ocean.

Chris ran up to them. “Holy shit. I’m so sorry you got disconnected. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” She smiled at Peter, her constant lifesaver.

“Thank god.” She hugged Lara Jean as she stood up. “I was so worried about you.”

“Peter saved me.” She said with a shy smile on her face. Her face blushed red. She couldn’t and didn’t want to contain it. If someone asked, she would just blame it on the sun.

“Let’s go get food and we can talk about it.” Chris let her friend go from the hug and nodded at her as she took her arm and led her to the car.

Peter walked up to Trevor who was waiting by the loaded-up car. The girls had already gotten inside. Trevor had a smug look on his face.

“Don’t.” Peter shot daggers at him.

“You didn’t even try to talk to Heather before you pulled a Baywatch for Lara Jean.”

He nodded his head and took a long-exasperated breath. “I just…” he stopped knowing his friend had heard that he still loved Lara Jean Covey too many times. “You know.”

* * *

After getting food at a local burger joint, they were back in the car on the ride home. Chris and Trevor sat up front. Chris said she was getting motion sickness from sitting in the back. Peter sat, spread legged behind Trevor. Their conversation had died down and the only things you heard were the air conditioning blowing over whatever music Trevor put on.

Lara Jean turned to Peter, examining him. He was wearing an Adler Lacrosse t shirt that skimmed his muscular upper body perfect. His working out had been paying off. He had gotten tan today too. She could tell by the way his arms glistened from the remaining sunscreen. His curly hair was out of control. He kept fluffing it up to get it to do something at dinner, but no lucky. He had his headphones in and was leaned up against the window. He was tired. It was obviously a strenuous day for him.

He turned to look at her, probably feeling her eyes locked on him and took out one headphone. “You feeling okay?” he asked just above a whisper.

“Very okay.” She smiled at him. He met her smiled and LJ felt chills run up her arms and legs.

“Wanna listen?” He held the earpiece up to her. They used to sit and do this all the time. It had become second nature for them to sit in the park for hours and listen to music this way. She shook her head as he handed the other side to her.

Lara Jean scooted closer to him to not pull either of their ears off. She slid it into her ear. Soft, calming indie guitars danced over a soft drum beat. She took a deep breath and felt calm. They sat next to each other for a while, barely touching, just basking in the comfort shared between them.

Her phone binged. They both knew it would be John Ambrose. She ignored it and flipped her phone over in the seat beside her. Nothing was going to ruin this small perfect moment.

Peter watched Lara Jean begin to drift off from her long adventure and place her head on his shoulder. He slightly adjusted his head to accommodate her and rested his head next to hers. He tried to monitor his breath, low and slow. He felt like he could stay like this forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Movie Premiere Day!   
> Hope you like this chapter! Things are about to get a lot more intense. 
> 
> xx 
> 
> ((I just realized that springs may not be a thing everywhere. It's basically a real world lazy river. They are all over where I live & is a huge thing for big groups of friends to go do together.))


	8. Come In With The Rain

It was late in the afternoon when Mrs. Kavinsky came into the store holding fabric swatches and a large coffee in hand. “Hey guys!” she smiled brightly at Peter and Lara Jean who were standing behind the counter.

“Hi Mrs. Kavinsky. How did it go at the Barrett’s? Did they go for the two couches or the sectional?” Lara Jean had gone on another design appointment with her earlier in the week. She loved taking notes and getting to see how it all worked. The thought of making someone’s house a home delighted her to no end.

“Two sofas. Thank god. It will make the room so much more functional, but now they don’t want color so I picked out these,” she held the samples in her hands. “to show them when I go over this weekend.”

Lara Jean looked at them. “I like the creme with gold running through it. It would make that mirror in the hallway pop.”

“That’s my favorite too.” She smiled proudly. “But now with my appointment with them, I can’t go pick up the dining chairs for the Tuckers, which throws my whole week off.” She sighed and thought for a minute and turned back to Peter and Lara Jean. “Would you guys be able to go pick it up?”

Lara Jean looked up at Peter. In the week since the trip to the springs, they reached a new level of comfort around each other. They laughed and danced around the store while dusting. They texted each other constantly when they weren’t in the same room. They had even gone out for after work for milkshakes twice this week. Nothing had been outright romantic, but a subtle tension had been building slowly that reminded both of them of when they were fake dating. 

Peter shrugged. “Where would we be going?”

“It’s about a 4-hour trip down to a furniture manufacturer in North Carolina.” She said. “You’ve been before but I never like you going alone. You two can keep each other company.”

Lara Jean looked at him for reassurance. He cocked his head at her. “I’m down if you are.”

“Why not?” she smiled. “It’ll be fun.” She watched Peter’s face light up. She felt butterflies in her stomach. She had tried to not think about her growing feelings for him, but her body couldn’t deny how she felt. In her head, she knew she was still technically with John Ambrose. Her & John Ambrose had talked after she got back from the springs. They both said that they were taking time to think about their relationship, but did that mean that they were broken up or just figuring things out? Being with Peter made it much easier to forget about John all together.

“We’ll have a good time.” He beamed at her. “Can I request baked goods for the way down?”

“Only if you’re super nice to me.” She joked back.

“Is Peter not being super nice to you?” Mrs. Kavinsky asked giving her son the side eye.

“He’s the sweetest. I’m just messing with you.” Lara Jean looked at him with a squished face. Peter and LJ stared at each other with wide smiles across their faces. She swore her heart was beating so loud that you could hear it from across the room. “Saturday will be fun.”

* * *

He artfully turned into the Covey’s driveway on Saturday morning. He stepped out of the car nervously. The ground was covered in rain from the drizzle this morning. Her adjusted his hair quickly in the side mirror of his mom’s minivan. He turned to the front door and saw Lara Jean exiting her home. “How did you know I was here?” He cheekily asked.

She stood still for a moment with a pensive look plastered across her face. “I don’t know how to say that I was waiting at the window for you and not sound stupid.” He smiled smugly and touched the temples of his forehead. He loved her so much. She could never sound stupid to him.

“Ready to go?” He motioned back to the van.

She shook head and follow him. Peter held the door open for her. She felt her heart swell again. She threw her backpack on the ground in front of her and took a seat. She turned to him as she entered the car and saw two coffees sitting in the cup holders of the center console. “Did you get me coffee?”

“Extra shot of expresso and just a touch of vanilla almond milk, right?” He remembered her coffee order. She nodded her head smiling.

“I made you those cinnamon rolls you love.” She pulled a box out of her bag. I didn’t put the frosting on them, but I put it in a little thing so you could dip it.” She announced proudly while holding the rolls and a small ramekin of icing sugar.

“This is what dreams are made of.” She knew him so well. He would reach over and kiss her right now if she wasn’t still kinda sorta with John Ambrose.

They settled into the ride as Oasis played while listening to Peter’s random playlist. Peter sung along lightly. Lara Jean smiled at him and bit her lip as she listened to his sweet voice. She always told him he could sing and he would fight her on it every time.

“Hey Peter,” Lara Jean asked while looking at the window.

“What’s up Covey?”

“Do you think little kid you would be proud of the person turned into?”

“Whoa. Where did that come from? Is it even legal to have a full philosophical breakdown before 11 AM?” he slightly chuckled, eyes moving from the road to Lara Jean in the passenger seat.

“I was just thinking how we are about to start our senior year and then we become adults and have all those responsibilities, and was wondering if like 8-year-old me would think I’m cool.” She pulled her hair up into a messy bun with her blue velvet scrunchie.

Peter held his breath for a second thinking about the curvature of her neck. He thought it was probably the sexiest part of her body. He knew exactly where to kiss to make her go wild. “Um, I hope so. I think he’d think it’s cool I was good at lacrosse and was going to college for it. I don’t think he’d think it was cool I was driving a minivan, but other than that, I’d hope so.”

“I think I would think I’m really lame.” She stared straight at the road in front of her.

“Why on Earth would you think that?” Peter shook his head. The rain was beginning to pick up. Peter switched on the windshield wipers and tried to focus on the road.

“I feel like I don’t have a thing, if that makes sense.”

“Absolutely not.” He retorted. “You’re the coolest person I know. You write so beautifully. Teachers always give you the best grades on your papers, and do I need to bring up the letters.” He smiled. “You have the coolest clothes of any girl in school. Gen used to be so jealous of your outfits in freshman year. You baking is freaking holy grail level. You have a whole group of friends who love you. You’re a great sister to Kitty and Margo. You’re funny and smart and so passionate about the things and people you love.” He looked over at her, her face in a full blush, her eyes slightly glossy. “I think kid Lara Jean would be thrilled with who she turned out to be.”

“Thank you.” She bit her lip. “You don’t always need to be so nice to me.”

“I’m only telling the truth.” He took a sip of his luke warm coffee.

Lara Jean felt her heart swell. Peter had always been her biggest cheerleader. Even when they weren’t dating or really even friends, Peter would always tell her if she did well at a project or congratulate her if she won an award. His sweet and genuine soul made her feel like she could accomplish anything if he was there with her. She was lost in thought when Peter turned up the music.

Lara Jean immediately recognized the song. “Why are we listening to the Hercules soundtrack?”

“This is one of the best songs ever written, for Disney or otherwise.” He swayed back and forth before he heard a small laugh escape Lara Jean’s lips. He began to sing along, wanting to keep the smile on her face. “Who’d you think you’re kidding, he’s the Earth & heaven to you” He leaned over to be closer to her. She was smiling so hard that he could barely see the whites of her eyes. She turned to him dramatically and joined him. “No chance, no way I won’t say it, no no.” They belted out the rest of the song dramatically.

When the song finished, Lara Jean leaned back into her chair. “That was our best sing along yet.”

Peter smiled, almost out of breath. “Next time can we do a song more in my key. Damn that’s high.”

* * *

“Is that the last one?” Lara Jean yelled over the downpour of rain. They were loading the custom dining chairs Peter’s mom had ordered into the car. She organized the chairs like a real-life game of Tetris. Lara Jean examined the medium wash oak and yellow leather seats. They were so specific and unique. Ms. Kavinsky had the coolest job. She would have loved to apricate them more if the rain wasn’t coming down in sheets.

“Yeah.” Peter yelled jogging to the van. The hood of his hoodie was sticking to his forehead, soaking wet. “Ready to go?”

She nodded and ran over to get into the car. He slammed the door shut and tried to remove the sweatshirt. “This feels gross.” He slowly tugged it over his head, exposing his tanned chest to LJ. She couldn’t stop thinking about being held against it on the bank of the spring. Even though they were drenched, he still looked perfect to her.

“We should probably start heading home.” Lara Jean took out her phone and pulled up a weather app. “It looks like it’s gonna be coming down all night.”

“Then we have a fun adventure ahead of us, huh?” he smiled at her and turned the car on. “Are you warm enough? You’re still soaking wet. I feel horrible.”

She adjusted the temperature controls in front of her. “I’ll warm up soon enough.” She slightly shook from the dampness.

“Here.” He put out his hands to her. She looked down at them like she was offering him a bomb. “You were the one who used to call me a space heater.” She smiled and took his hands. She wasn’t sure if it was that his body ran hot or the electricity between them, but she suddenly felt a warmth radiating from her body. She felt the body relax. His thumbs circled around the back of her hand. She felt her heart skip a beat. Her eyes were locked on his arm’s protruding veins. “Feeling a little warmer?” he asked quietly.

She shook her head, stopping her novel infatuation with the three small freckles on the underside of his wrist. She put her hands into her lap. “Thank you.” She sniffled her nose.

 _Why did he let go?_ He suddenly felt like the king of the idiots. He sucked on his teeth and put her address into the GPS. “Let’s head out.”

* * *

The rain continued to sleet down. Lara Jean stayed quiet so Peter could focus on the road ahead of him. “It’s a monsoon out here.” He said clutching onto the steering wheel. “I can barely see 3 feet ahead of me.” Lara Jean took a deep breath. She knew she was in safe hands with Peter, but it didn’t make this drive any less dreadful.

The traffic reached a standstill allowing Peter to sit back for a moment and try to stretch the tension out of his body. “Are you okay? Do you need anything? I have more water in my backpack if you need it.” Lara Jean tried to comfort him.

“I will take a water, actually. Thank you.” He said taking a deep breath.

She handed him the bottle. “This is crazy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it rain this hard.”

“Yeah, it looks like a hurricane outside.” He took a long sip of water. Lara Jean dazed out as she fixated on his Adam’s apple move up and down. His phone binged. They both leaned in. “Major flooding in 20 miles. Roads closed until further notice.” He read aloud.

“Shit.” Lara Jean leaned back. “What do we do?” She looked to him for guidance.

Peter grabbed his phone and examined the map. There’s an exit off the highway in less than a mile. We can pull off and see if there’s somewhere to hang. Maybe the rain will start to die out?” He suggested.

“That could work.” She sighed in relief. “Let me just call my dad to let him know.” She pressed on her phone put it up to her ear. He answered quickly. “Hi Dad.” “Yes, it’s crazy. We’re pulling over to let it pass. I just wanted you to know that we’re going to be home late.” “It’s still raining at home.” “50 miles? That’s crazy.” “Okay. I’ll tell him.” “We will.” “Love you.” She threw it in her lap. “So, my dad said the news said it’s flooded for over 50 miles.”

“Fuck.” He ran his hand through his hair. They lurched forward, getting closer to the exit. “And it’s starting to get dark.” He sighed. “We’ll see what we can do.” Peter looked behind him and hit his lip. He was so close to the exit. He decided to pull out from the lane and drive past the line of cars to the exit.

Lara Jean admired him. She was never a great driver, but she loved how he took control on the wall. She thought it was so sexy and strong. They pulled into a roadside diner and hurried inside.

“Table for two.” Peter smiled at the waitress who was instantly under the spell of the Kavinsky charm. She sat them in the center table near the back.

Peter look out his phone and began typing away. Lara Jean sniffled, still in her rain-soaked t shirt and jeans. His phone rang and he immediately answered. “Hi Mom.” He rose his eyebrows at her. “We’re stopped at a diner right now. Dr. C told us that it’s flooded for like 50 miles.” He cracked his neck, letting some of the tension go from his body as he listened. “I do have the emergency credit card.” He felt for his wallet. “I’ll ask the waitress if there is a place around. Lara Jean can call her dad and ask.” He nodded at her. “Okay. I’ll let you know. Love you. Bye Mom.” He put his phone on the table.

“What did she say?” Lara Jean asked adjusting her position in her chair.

“She said it’s not supposed to stop raining for a couple hours. She said we should try to find a hotel for the night if possible.” He rubbed up and down his arms. “I mean only if you’re okay with it. But she said it would be safer than trying to drive on super slick roads all night. She said she’s going to call your dad.”

“Okay.” She said taking in the information that she would be spending the night with him. “It makes sense, I guess.”

The waitress came up to their table and smiled at Peter. “What can I get for you darlin’?”

“Are there any hotels around here? With this storm, it’s probably too much to get all the way home tonight.” His face softened looking back at Lara Jean.

“There’s a hotel about a mile down the block. Reggie is the owner. I’ll give him a call and tell him to save you a room.” She smiled. “Can I get you something to warm you up?” She looked down at LJ. “We’ve got soups, hot sandwiches, whatever you need.”

Lara Jean looked down at the menu for a moment. “Can I have some tomato soup & a grilled cheese?” she smiled. Peter gawked at her. “Make it two.” He smiled. “But also, a side of fries and two cokes. Thank you.”

The waitress walked away, leaving them to themselves. Lara Jean blushed looking at Peter. “Your hair is out of control right now.” She giggled through her shivers.

He shook his curls around before shrugging. “I’m going for the puppy chic look.”

“You wear it well, Kavinsky.” She looked down at her fidgeting hands. She was about to spend the night with the ex-boyfriend, the first boy she loved, the one who had occupied her sexy dreams, the one she was no long with. She tried to push her anxiety down with a hardy swallow. _It would be fine_ , she told herself over and over again.

* * *

“Room 15.” Peter counted the numbers as they got to the end of the long outdoor hallway. Lara Jean unlocked the door with the key Reggie gave her. It was their last room at the run-down hotel. Without their waitress making the call, they could have ended up sleeping in the packed car.

Lara Jean flipped the light, uncovering a slightly dingy hotel room with one large queen-sized bed. She looked back at Peter. She didn’t even imagine that there would only be one place to sleep. She put her backpack down on the dresser and turned back to him.

Peter kept his distance, not wanting her to get the idea that he was expecting anything. “I can sleep on the floor.” He took out his phone and wallet from his pockets and put down his lacrosse bag down. It was in his mom’s van from practice the night before.

“No. You’ve been driving in super bad conditions all day. You take the bed. I can make a sleeping bag.” Lara Jean offered.

“I’m not letting you sleep on the ground Covey.” He rolled his eyes. “Don’t even think about it.”

She searched the room for a second. Was there a chair she could curl up on? Would the bathtub be comfortable? She sighed, giving up. “We can just share the bed. We can be total adults about this.” She offered. Her words came out faster than her mind could process. _SHARING A BED WITH PETER KAVINSKY?!_ What was she thinking?

“Um, I mean. Sure.” He scratched his face, trying to hide his excitement to be close with her. “We both need a rest after today. We’ll each take a corner.”

“Exactly.” Lara Jean convinced herself this wasn’t a totally absurd idea. “Totally above board.” She said out of the corner of her mouth while turning to rifle through her backpack.

Peter stood there awkwardly. “I think I’m going to take a shower.” He wanted to break the tension. “I think I have an extra t shirt in my bag. You can wear it. You must be freezing.”

“Sure. Thank you.” She smiled at him. She used to beg for his hoodies and t shirts. She used to love having his musky calming scent on her at all times. Peter nodded and walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

Lara Jean opened the bag to find a UVA lacrosse shirt. She held it close to her and took in the smell. A perfect mix of laundry detergent and his natural musk. She looked back at the bathroom door and heard the shower on at full force. She quickly threw off her still slightly damp top and shorts and slid the huge t shirt over her head. It hung almost to her knees. She definitely had skirts shorter than this.

She laid out her wet clothes over the room heater to get them dry faster. She looked around the room and stared at herself in the mirror. If her and Peter were together, she would have lived in the shirt she was currently swimming in. She rubbed out any creases shirt and relished in feeling the soft cotton on her skin. She let out a long breath, imagining it was his hands all over her.

She heard the shower screech to a stop and her eyes darted to the bathroom door. “Hey LJ!” Peter yelled out.

“Yes.” She replied.

“Can you hand me the basketball shorts from my bag? I forgot to bring them in before.” His face emerged in the slightly open door.

Lara Jean gulped. Was he naked behind the door? This was the closest they had ever been to being naked in front of each other. “Sure.” She ran over to the bag and quickly rifled through its contents to see a green pair of shorts. “Here.” She handed them to him, trying to avert her eyes just in case.

“Thanks.” He smiled at her before seeing that she had changed into his lacrosse shirt. He felt his heart in his throat. She looked so hot in only his shirt. Knowing that the thin piece of cotton was the only thing covering her, made his stomach do a flip. He needed to calm down before going out there. He sat on the edge of the shower for a minute and took a few deep breaths. He would not make this awkward. Finally feeling ready for this insane sleeping situation they had gotten themselves into he exited the bathroom. 

He opened the door to find Lara Jean already sitting cross legged on the bed, remote in hand. She looked up at him and blushed as he came out shirtless, only in his shorts. “Hi.” He said in a low breathy tone.

“Hi.” She ogled at him for a moment before turning back to the tv. “Looks like Titanic is on if you want to watch it?”

“Sure.” He walked over to throw his dirty clothes into his bag. He sat down on the bed next to her. “I’m always down for Leo’s best work.” They had watched Titanic together a few times before. It was one of Lara Jean’s go-to comfort movies when she needed a pick me up.

“We’re still at the beginning too, so great timing.” She leaned back against the bed’s wooden headboard. Peter copied her, not knowing what the boundaries were. He tried to leave at least a pillow’s width between them. He tried to imagine it not as a bed, just an extra-long couch.

They sat and watched the movie in relative silence for a while. Lara Jean had a pretty strict no talking during movies rule. Peter knew not to cross her on that. He scratched his upper chest and laid his arm back down, unintentionally closer than before. Lara Jean tried her best to not stare at his outstretched arms and focus on the movie, but she couldn’t help notice the way his fingers stretched as the romantic movie score began to swell.

She felt stiff all of a sudden. The stress of the day and this current situation catching up to her. She tried to roll her shoulders back and adjust the pillows behind her, but nothing felt quite right.

Peter watched her fiddle with the pillows. “You can lean against me if that’s more comfortable.” He blinked rapidly, not thinking about what he said.

“Um, okay.” She messed with a pillow on the other side of her and laid her head on Peter’s shoulder. Memories came rushing back to her like a tidal wave. Not only of last week in the car, but to their entire relationship. How sweet he was with her, how they could talk about anything, and pushed each other to be the best versions of themselves. She felt her heart pang as she came to the realization.

**She still loved Peter.**

Her face was pointed forward frozen for a while, trying to process what her heart was telling her. She loved him, maybe she never really stopped. She had picked John because he made the most sense. They were so alike. They had the same values and interests and when Peter wasn’t opening up to her and being distant, John was there for her. She knew what she was getting dating John. He would be kind, witty and caring. Peter constantly surprised her. He was gentle, loving, protective. He slowly revealed new sides to himself all the time. She used to get frustrated he wasn’t opening up, when really, he was just discovering those things about himself.

She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him. He turned his head towards her. “You okay, Covey?”

She nodded her head and breathlessly brought her lips to his. The air ran out of Peter’s body, He sat there breathlessly, not feeling able to move a muscle. His whole body in shock. This is what he had been dreaming about for months. why couldn’t his body catch up with his brain?

Lara Jean pulled away. She opened her eyes and felt a new tension about to burst between them. Peter didn’t kiss her back. Was this attraction all in her mind? Did she just destroy the friendship they both worked so hard to build? Her heart raced a thousand miles a minute. She looked away feeling like a true idiot.

“Oh god, I’m so” she began before Peter took her face in his hands and brought her back to his lips. She felt time stop as she began to feel enraptured by him. It was like he had a superpower when it came to kissing. She had been dreaming of this since her night alone. She had organized it in her brain as just that, a dream. The fact it was actually happening, made her heart flip more than the best gymnast could imagine.

His warm embrace startled her in the best way. She felt the heat radiating off his bare chest. She pushed into him, feeling chills race up her body as her breasts pressed against him. His tongue tickled her almost parted lips, begging to take in all of her. One hand made its way to the back of her neck and gently messaged a spot that made her body melt.

She moved her body to be in a more comfortable position without breaking the kiss. Her hands danced up and down his sides. A small groan escaped Peter’s lips. Lara Jean thought it almost comical how quickly they reverted back to their old ways. She knew what to do to make him go mad. She loved the power they had over each other.

His thumbs brushed against her cheeks. It made Lara Jean’s entire body tingle. Her whole body became involved. Her body involuntarily grinded into his. Like clockwork, the movie score swelled into a romantic climax. Lara Jean felt the intensity building in as their lips were in perfect sync with each other.

Lara Jean hadn’t been kissed this passionately in a while. She missed feeling so wanted. The closest she had come lately was a half-hearted attempt from John. JOHN. He brain exploded at the thought of him. She hadn’t thought of him the entire day. She pulled away. She didn’t know if this counted as cheating if they were “taking time to figure things out”, but the anxiety spewing from the sinkhole of a pit in her stomach told her, she needed to stop.

“Everything okay?” Peter opened his eyes slowly, his eyelashes fluttering against her nose.

“I just,” she started but any other words escaped her. He kissed her on the forehead and laid back against the headboard. He knew exactly what she was thinking. She needed to process. He loved how thoughtful she was, but sometimes it got in her own way.

“Just cuddle and finish the movie with me.” She nodded and laid on his chest. He threw his arm around her and tried to get this breathing back to a normal rhythm. He played with her hair between his fingers as they sat silently for the next few minutes as they both drifted off after an unexpectedly exciting day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no denying it now...or is there?  
> Happy Valentine's Day yall!   
> Thank you for all the lovely comments & kudos on the previous chapters.  
> I'm not going to lie, I watched the new movie & cast interviews more times than I'd care to admit. Trying to slide new details in there has been an absolute joy.


	9. Afterglow

Peter’s eyes lazily blinked awake. He felt Lara Jean’s breath on his chest and instantly fell in love all over again. He shook his head slightly just to make sure this wasn’t just a dream. He reached up his arm that wasn’t held down by Lara Jean and gently pet her hair. He always loved wrapping his fingers within its thick strands and playing with it any chance he got. It fascinated him how her hair could be so long and strong but delicate at the same time, kind of like her. She snuggled her head into him, like a cat. It was still dark out. He looked over at the dull red of the alarm clock on the bedside table. 2:12. He took a moment to stare at the ceiling. He felt a sense of peace over him that he hadn’t had since their breakup. Her delicate arm moved up and down on his chest with his breaths. This was his perfect moment.

He closed his eyes again, trying to remember every sense of this moment in case this was all over in the morning. The TV still glowed dim in the corner. An infomercial about a super strong adhesive droned in the background. He could hear her hum in her sleep. It was faint, but just loud enough to hear through her sleepy smile. She smiled in her sleep like an actual angel. The room smelled humid, probably from Lara Jean’s clothes that were drying over the air conditioning unit. He licked his lips trying to feel her on them one more time. 

He stared out the window. The glow from the light in the parking lot shined through the small breaks in the room’s plastic blinds. It was dark, but he could tell it had stopped raining. In the past 12 hours, rain had become his new favorite type of weather. He would be eternally thankful for any weather pattern that would bring Lara Jean back to him.

He leaned down to kiss her forehead. She nuzzled his chest and let out a long breath. He gingerly closed his eyes again knowing that any dream his brain could come up with, was nothing compared to reality.

* * *

When Peter awoke in the morning, Lara Jean was gone from his chest. He sat up almost instantly, hoping nothing bad had happened to her. He whipped his head around the room frantically before hearing that the shower was going in the bathroom. He flopped back down and smiled for a moment in pure bliss. He heard a buzz from the dresser and finally got up. It wasn’t his phone. It was Lara Jean’s. John was calling.

He had tried to push his former friend out of his brain the last week. Since John and Lara Jean were not on good terms, Peter made an effort to just make LJ feel appreciated. The way Peter always wanted to make her feel. He looked down at the vibrating phone and scrunched his face. He couldn’t answer it for her without causing her problems which was not his goal.

He turned around as he heard the shower turn off. He ran for yesterday’s Adler Lacrosse T shirt and jolted it onto his torso. He ran his hands through his curls and coughed in front of his hand to make sure his breath smelled alright. If they were going to kiss again, he needed to be ready. He sat at the edge of the bed, phone his in hand. He was reading messages from Trevor about practice being cancelled since the fields were rained out when she emerged in yesterday’s jean shorts and stripped V-neck t shirt. “Good morning.” She said just above a whisper.

“Good morning!” He tried to hide his beaming smile. She looked so perfect in the morning light. Her face, still a little puffy from sleep, smiled back at him. He wanted to get up and wrap her in his arms, but held back. He suddenly realized that she may not be as into this as he was. She did still have the John stuff to deal with. His palms became slightly sweaty as his nervous thoughts took over his brain. “Did you sleep well?”

“Better than in a while.” She pushed her hair behind her ears. “Looks like it finally stopped raining.”

“It did. Trevor texted me that that everything was rained out at home too. Practice got cancelled because the field was flooded.” There was an awkwardness hanging in the room. The two of them weren’t used to this. Even when they weren’t friends, they always had an ease between them.

She bit her lip. Peter looked so precious right now. She could tell he was nervous, but didn’t know what to do to cut the tension. Would it be awkward to bring it up now? It was just a kiss. A really, really excellent kiss. “Want to go grab breakfast before we head out?”

“Sure.” He smiled and got up from the bed. He started to walk across the small hotel room. He couldn’t take three steps before bumping into Lara Jean. “Oh, sorry.” He mumbled.

“It’s fine.” She giggled. “Can you hand me my phone?” she motioned to the dresser. Peter’s heartrate increased. Would he dare to tell her he saw John call? He shook his head and handing it over to her. He watched her read the screen and scrunch her face. He had avoided the John Ambrose conversation since she came to her venting about the trip. Was it too late to bring it up now? “Ready to eat?” he let out, just trying to break the silence.

“Yes. I think I’m in the mood for pancakes.” She looked up from her phone and smiled up at him.

* * *

They were back on the road after stopping at the same diner they ate last night. Peter typed LJ’s address into his phone. “Two hours to go.” He smiled at her nervously. He hadn’t brought John Ambrose up at breakfast. They were having a good time talking about the celebrity gossip that was playing on the TV at the diner. But now, that it was just them, it was beginning to feel unavoidable.

She smiled and made herself comfortable in her seat. “Want me to play something?” She held up her phone. He nodded and motioned to the AUX cord. She plugged her phone in and clicked on a random playlist. A funky pop beat started playing over the speakers. A smile spread across Peter’s face. Her music was a perfect representation of her, happy, peppy, and bright.

They drove for a while in silence. It was comfortable with a bit of awkwardness hanging in the air. Lara Jean hummed along to some of the songs to pass the time.

Her mind raced at thoughts of Peter and John. Her and Peter had made out last night. She had crossed a line that she didn’t know if she felt comfortable with while she wasn’t technically broken up with John Ambrose. Was she the type of girl who would cheat on her boyfriend? Was she the type of girl who would backslide with an ex? If she still really loved Peter, would it even be considered backsliding?

“So, what do we tell everyone about this adventure?” Peter rubbed his nose.

She glanced over at him. “Um… I haven’t thought about it yet.” She had but was never going to admit it.

“Covey.” He smirked at her.

“We should make it sound cooler than it was.” She tried to avoid being called out on her lie.

“Is getting stuck in the rain not enough for you?”

“But we should make it sound more of an adventure. Like we had to escaped flooding we were sure to get stuck in. Cars were drowning but we made it out with a moment’s notice. We were the lucky ones who narrowly avoided drowning.” She laughed.

“And we had to fight a motorcycle gang to get the last hotel room.”

“It was a tough battle, but my karate kicks really put us over the edge.” She giggled.

Peter leaned against the door laughing. “Oh 100%” With the burst of laughter, any awkwardness washed away. Peter cleared his throat trying to get gain the courage to bring up what last night meant for them. He opened his mouth to talk when a text tone came through the speakers from Lara Jean’s phone. On the screen, he could see it was a text from John.

She rushed to her phone. She was feeling so good with Peter, of course John would find a way to ruin a lovely moment. She read the message. He wanted to know where she was. She turned her phone over and looked back at Peter in the driver’s seat. He looked a bit defeated. Guess they had to talk about it now. “John wanted to know where I was.” She said softly.

“Makes sense if you’re still dating.” He said, feeling his heart drop onto the floor. Why couldn’t he say anything just a touch more delicately.

“We haven’t talked in a week.” She scratched her face, not able to look at him.

He wanted to yell out that she needed to make a choice and not drag him along. But he knew it wouldn’t work if he did. His jealousy was bubbling over. “Well then maybe you should call him back.”

“What?” she finally looked up at him.

“He called this morning when you were in the shower.” He tried to keep his anger in. “He is your boyfriend after all.”

“Peter.” She tried to reach out, but just saw him grip both hands tightly on the steering wheel.

“If you’re still with him, last night was a mistake.” He said bluntly, eyes locked on the road.

“Peter… that’s not… Peter.” She couldn’t find the words. She didn’t think last night was a mistake. Last night made her realize she loved him. She was shocked he would be so harsh with her. She knew he felt something too. He wouldn’t have kissed her like he did if there was nothing there.

“We’re friends, right?” He mumbled.

“Totally.” She was so confused. His actions and his words weren’t adding up. Was the message from John really sending him off like this? Did he lie to her about how much he hurt him? It had to be for him to react this way. She knew Peter was stubborn when it comes to his emotions, especially when he feels like he’s about to be let down. She wished she could tell him it was him and he had nothing to worry about, but she couldn’t. Not until she talked with John Ambrose. “You’re one of my best friends.”

“Same.” Peter sighed, his face softening. “You’re one of my best friends, too.”

The only sounds for the rest of the trip was the fun pop music from Lara Jean’s playlist. The upbeat music opposed how each one was feeling, both stuck in their own little battles of the heart.

* * *

The minivan pulled onto the Covey’s street. Everything looked soaked and the drains were still gushing taking in the remaining water. As they approached, Lara Jean picked at the hem of her t shirt and spoke. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” he looked over at her sighing. He couldn’t believe their talk ended that way. He couldn’t believe this jealousy got in his own way.

She mustered up the courage she had been too afraid to show since their previous conversation. “I’m not sorry we kissed, but I am sorry I can’t give you an answer.” She shrugged. “I just need to figure it all out.”

He looked over at her. She was obviously going through it in her head. He always knew when she was because she would pick at her clothes. He grabbed her hand and took it in his. “I know.” Just having her touch him made some of the worries begin to wash away.

They slowed in front of her house. Peter put the car in park and smiled up at her, their hands still interlocked. She met his smile and closed her eyes. She wanted to kiss him again, but knew it wasn’t fair to him. He deserved the world, and didn’t know if she was able to give it to him.

There was a knock on the passenger side door. Lara Jean whipped around to see John Ambrose waving at her. She immediately dropped Peter’s hand and felt her breaths become short. “Fuck.” She whispered just loud enough for Peter to hear.

“Did you know he was here?” A knot grew tighter in Peter’s stomach.

“No. He didn’t say anything.” She quickly unbuckled her belt and opened the door. “John.” She tried to smile. “What are you doing here?”

“I figured I’d surprise you.” He pulled her into a hug. Peter watched with jealously pulsing through his body.

“Oh,” Lara Jean looked back and forth between her boyfriend and Peter. “We got stuck in that rainstorm last night when we were picking up furniture.”

“Well I’m glad you’re home safe now.” He smiled at her before glaring over at Peter. “Thanks for taking care of her.” He nodded.

“Yeah…” Peter shook his head, feeling horrible, and looked to Lara Jean. She was obviously freaking out inside. He took a deep breath and smiled at her. “I’ll see you at the store.”

“Yes. See you there.” She looked down at the ground.

Peter watched as John Ambrose closed the door and walked her into the house. _That should be me._ He thought over and over again until he arrived back at his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If these dang kids could only get out of their own way....   
> Thank you for all the love on this story! Your comments & kudos mean the world to me! 
> 
> xx


	10. Lose You to Love Me

“I can’t thank you enough for going to get these guys.” His mom took a chair from him and placed it in the back warehouse of the store. “At least you got to have a little adventure this summer. I know we’re not going anywhere special, but at least you got to get out of town for a day.” She smiled at her son who’s head was somewhere completely different. “Did you have fun?”

“I’ll get to it, Mom.” He said putting down the last of the dining chairs. His mind obviously elsewhere.

“Okay, so you _really_ weren’t listening to me.” She put his hand on his shoulder.

“Sorry.” He shook his head. “Just thinking about stuff.”

“Does this stuff happen to be Lara Jean stuff?” she said in a sing songy way.

“Mom.” He groaned. They were not the kind of family that talked about relationship stuff. Peter’s mom could have been having a mind-blowing love affair, and Peter & Owen would have been none the wiser. The only time Peter remembered anything about his mom’s love life was when she cried a lot when his dad left, but they never spoke actually spoke about it. “I’m not talking about this with you.”

“Peter Grant Kavinsky, I will not have you moping around like a sad puppy. Now, what is going on with Lara Jean? I know you’ve been joking yourself just saying you’re just friends. I’ve seen the way you look at her. She blushed anytime you get within 3 feet of her.”

“Well, we are friends.” He tried to convince himself. “I think she may actually be my best friend.” He took a moment before he could no longer hold it in. “We kissed last night.”

“Oh, you don’t seem as excited as you should be about that. I remember when you first started dating it was like your feet didn’t even touch the ground.”

“She is still maybe in this thing with McClaren.” He rubbed his eyes.

“Oh,” she pondered, “so where does that leave you?” She leaned closer to him against one of the chairs.

“We were fine this morning. Then we were trying to talk about what was going on, it got weird. Then we were about to be good again, but John showed up out of nowhere at the car door when I was dropping LJ off and threw us out of whack. I think I just messed it all up. I should have said something. I basically just handed her over to him. Not that she’s a possession or anything, but you know.”

“What is she going to do about John?”

“I have no idea. It’s all messy. I just don’t get why she chose him in the first place. This would all have been easier if she didn’t go running to him the moment things got hard.” He shook his head, finally letting his frustration out.

“That’s a tough place to be.” She rubbed his back. “I’m not going to tell you what to do. You have to do what’s best for your heart, but I think you have been through a lot with Lara Jean. It’s totally normal you would be a little protective of yourself after your first real heartbreak.” He smiled back at her. His mom always knew what was actually going on whether she said anything or not. “But just make sure you’re not being too protective.” She cocked her head at him. “If you build too high of walls, you’re going to be left all alone in your castle.”

He nodded, knowing she was right. “Thanks Mom.” He stopped for a moment. His mom smiled and began to turn away. “Just promise you won’t hate Lara Jean.” He spat out and looked up at her with despair in his eyes. “No matter what happens, you can’t hate her. She looks up to you so much and would fall apart if you abandoned her.”

She kissed him on the side of his head gently. “You’re a good man, Peter Kavinsky.”

* * *

Her dad was playing Billy Joel over the speakers when Lara Jean & John walked into the house. “There she is!” he hollered from the couch.

“Hi Dad!” she smiled nervously and put her purse down on the kitchen island. “John Ambrose is here.”

Her father turned around. “Hi John.” He waved. “How’s DC treating you?” Lara Jean swore her dad was the nicest man on earth, even when he secretly cursed out John for making Lara Jean feel bad for the last week, he knew how to make people feel comfortable.

“It’s good, Dr. Covey, thank you. The law firm is working me to the bone, but I am learning so much.” She smiled at LJ who was picking at the hem of her shirt.

She felt her heart racing a million miles a minute. The tension between Peter and John Ambrose had her mind racing, not able to even concentrate on the conversation going on right in front of her.

“Well, I’m glad you came to see Lara Jean.” He turned back to his book. “Keep your door open if you go up to your room.”

LJ turned to the kitchen to avoid looking in John’s eyes. “Do you want something to drink? Something to eat?”

“I’m good. Thank you though.” His sweet, calming voice danced through the room. He snuck a quick kiss on her cheek. Lara Jean tried not to cringe. She gave him a fake smile and tried to remain cool. This was her boyfriend. She needed to act like it, at least until she figured out what they were. 

She was still reeling from the whiplash of confessing her feelings for Peter to John showing up randomly. She felt on edge, as if everything she knew was about to drop out from under her. She needed to figure this out. She didn’t have time to wait. “Wanna go outside?”

“Isn’t everything still soaking out there?” John gave her a questioning look.

“Oh yeah.” She chuckled. She felt like every molecule in her body was about to burst. “The room it is.” She looked up the stairs. Did going up there sent a certain signal to John?

She looked over at him. He was shaking his head happily and took her hand. Lara Jean could feel every bump and line on his hands. They were much smoother than Peter’s. His palms calloused from his lacrosse stick. She didn’t quite understand how his hands could be so rough since he wore gloves, but Peter told her it was part of the sport. John didn’t do sports or work with his hands. It was something she had never paid attention to before but was all she could think about now.

They climbed the stairs and went into her room, following her dad’s orders to keep the door open. John stepped over the clothes spread across her messy floor and sat in her yellow desk chair. Silence hung in the air. Neither one of them knowing who would speak first. Lara Jean thought she couldn’t even look at him without wanting to throw up and cry. The guilt she felt for kissing Peter was overwhelming her body. She gently rocked back and forth on her heels to calm her down. “How have you been?” she spoke in a low, quiet tone.

“Good, I guess.” He leaned back. “I haven’t stopped thinking about that weekend.” Lara Jean shook her head, not knowing where he was going with this. “I felt like such a shit bag after you left. I didn’t want you to go. You know, that right?”

“You could have convinced me to stay.” She shrugged.

“I know. I messed up. I am just so focused on this job. I think it could do really big things for me. I got to go to court this week. It was amazing.” His face lit up when he started talking about his work. Her heart began to swell watching him get so passionate about things. She knew they shared that quality.

“That’s great John.” She smiled shyly. “I’m happy you found something you love.”

“It doesn’t mean I should have put it before you though.” John sucked on his cheek, something Peter used to do when he was apologizing too. “I’m so sorry, Lara Jean.” He leaned forward on his elbows, almost in tears.

She hated to see anyone in pain, especially someone she cared about. She went to him and wrapped her arms around him. His head rested on her upper stomach. “It’s okay.” She scratched his upper back to comfort him. She heard him sniffle. Her heart panged for him. How was it possible that after he treated her so poorly, that should could have so much love for him in her heart?

They stood there for a moment silently. Lara Jean’s mind kept running to Peter. She closed her eyes and could feel his arms around her. She could feel the way his bicep enraptured her shoulders and his fingers playing with her long hair. She instantly missed the safe feeling in his arms. He was with her less than an hour ago, and she already longed to have him back to her.

She pulled away, stepped back and sat on the edge of her bed. She knew what she needed to do. She grasped her hands in her lap and took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say.

“How was your trip?” he asked with a strain to his voice as he adjusted himself in the chair.

She knew this moment would come. She took looked up at him, trying to read his face. “It was good. The rain was crazy.”

“How was Peter?” She could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Do you want to do this?” she asked, holding back tears.

“I think we should.” John shrugged. “I think we owe it to ourselves to be honest.”

He was right. She couldn’t be in limbo with him. She knew he’d probably break up with her because of last night. It would certainly make it easier for her. She braced herself and began.

“Everything was just friendly until after I got back from DC. I went to Peter for comfort. I think a little to spite you because I was so mad, but I also went to him because he is one of the people I feel like I can actually talk to. I knew going to him would make you jealous.” She watched his face, completely stoic. “We both went with a big group to the Springs the next day. My tube got untied and he swam to rescue me from crashing on the rocks.” She pushed her hair behind her ears. “Nothing really happened, but that’s when I started to have feelings again. I think going through a near death experience will do that to you sometimes. I tried to fight those feelings off as just missing and being mad at you, but they weren’t. I tried to convince myself they weren’t there, but yeah…”

John sat silently. He wasn’t giving her any indication of where his thoughts were. She continued. “You and I still weren’t really talking and I thought spending a day with Peter picking up the chairs would make my feelings clear, but I think it just made things more confusing.” She felt her heart in her throat. Admitting this was harder than expected.

“The roads were so bad that we pulled over for the night. The only hotel room left only had one bed. Peter was being a complete gentleman. We were hanging out and watching a movie, completely innocent.” She held her breath, not wanting to say what happened next. “Then I kissed him.” She looked up at John. He was looking down at his feet. “I’m sorry.” She took a deep breath. “I kissed him and it wasn’t to hurt you or make you jealous. I kissed him because I wanted to.” She thought it was best to save that she still was in love with him.

John was wordless. Lara Jean’s leg was shaking leaf. “I know we said we were on a break, but I still feel horrible.” She stared at him for a minute. The air felt heavy as she waited for him to respond. “Please say something.” She begged.

“Do you do anything else with him?” he asked quietly.

“What?” she tried to stop her leg from shaking.

“Did you do anything else with him? You know… last night. I know you’ve been using this week to figure out your feelings and that’s fine. We agreed we would, but… did anything else happen?” The strong parts of his face became soft.

“No.” she replied softly. “Nothing else happened.”

He went over to her and kneeled in front of her. “Then we’re fine. I can forgive you. You can forgive me for the DC trip. Nothing has to change.”

“John,” was all she could let out.

He knew what she couldn’t say. “You still love him?” he said almost breathlessly.

She couldn’t get the words out. Tears forming in her eyes, she nodded her head.

He stood up and paced back and forth. Lara Jean watched as his eyes raced around. “Okay.” He mumbled to himself over and over again.

“Okay?” she rubbed her face, a bit shocked.

He finally stopped pacing and stared at the wall behind her. “It’s always been him, hasn’t it?”

She shook her head. “We were the ones who made sense together. Ever since the 7th grade, it just seemed like we were made to be. My rational brain is screaming that it’s you. But my heart is with Peter.”

“Did I ever stand a chance?” he rubbed his jawline, obviously annoyed.

“You were my choice.” Lara Jean sniffled. “But I can’t fight my heart anymore. I don’t think either of us is happy right now.” She got to her feet to stand in front of John. “We’re 17 years old. We deserve to be happy. I know everyone always jokes that we’re basically 70, but...” she elicited a small laugh from John.

“I’m sorry for not making you happy.” John tried to smile.

“No.” She put her hands on his shoulders. “We made each other happy once, we will make each other happy again. We just can’t do it in a romantic relationship.”

“I’m not going to force you in this if you’re not going to be all in.” he took a deep breath. “We deserve to be happy.”

“We do.” She gave his shoulders a squeeze before pulling him in for a hug. Her other breakup was drawn out and messy. There was crying and begging for forgiveness. In contrast, this felt far more grown up. Everything felt more grown up with John, that’s probably why she wanted to be with him in the first place. 

“I should get going, huh?” John smiled at her genuinely for the first time this summer.

"What are you going to do for the rest of the summer?" She asked trying to make it clear they could still be friends, even if it wasn't for a while. 

"Explore DC." John shrugged as they headed down the stairs and out the door. 

"I hear there's a great bakery on 45th." she smiled, remembering all the research she had done before her miserable trip to see him. He faintly smiled back at her as they approached his beat up car. An uncomfortable silence came over the now ex couple. John was the first to move. He was turning the key in the door when Lara Jean spoke. “Thank you, John Ambrose.”

“For what?” he fumbled with his keys in his hands, already half into the car.

“For being kind when I don’t deserve it.” She shrugged. “For helping me figure out who I am and what I want.”

He smiled pleasantly and nodded at her. “See you around LJ.”

She waved him off as she watched as he drove off down their damp sleepy hometown streets. The human and damp air suddenly didn’t feel as heavy as the stress of her decision rolled off her body. John Ambrose McClaren would make a perfect boyfriend for someone out there. He was kind, intelligent, witty. Everything a girl could ask for. He was the type of boy a quirky girl would lock eyes with in a coffee shop and fall in love instantly. Their meet cute forever cemented with the greats. But, Lara Jean was not that girl.

She took another deep breath and felt a calmness come over her. She was almost surprised how okay with it all she felt at that moment. After her breakup with Peter, she cried for two days straight.

But with John gone, she felt like she could breathe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this taking forever & a day to post!  
> I rewrote this about 4 times and this was the best version. My brain has been a really messy bitch lately. Blame her. 
> 
> Thank you for all your lovely comments & kudos on the last chapter!


	11. Family Visit

The sun scorched down on the back deck of Chris’ house. The rain of the weekend was surely over, bringing a slew of sunshine their way. Lara Jean brought her best friend’s favorite SUBWAY sandwiches as payment so she could vent freely without feeling bad about it. The girls sat out on her covered patio, foot longs and lemonades in hand.

“Whoa, bring this back. You KISSED Kavinsky?” Chris adjusted her well-worn baseball cap. 

“Yeah.” She blushed. “And it was good… like really good.”

“LJ!” her best friend squealed. “Anything else happen? Was he still soaked from the shower? Was his hair falling in his face?”

Lara Jean threw her face in her hands. “CHRISTINE! Nothing else happened. Well some cuddling, but nothing else.”

“I’ve seen him shirtless at the pool. The boy is hot. I wouldn’t blame you for going much further than kissing.” She took a bite of her sandwich.

“We drove home and it was awkward with lots of tension. I told him that I didn’t regret the kiss and felt like we were about to kiss again but then John knocked on the window.”

“Why was he even there?”

“I don’t know. He said he wanted to talk about DC.” She shook her head. “We did, kinda, but then I told him I still loved Peter.”

“Shit.” She leaned back in her seat. “Was he mad?”

“Kind of. Not in a yell-y way. Very I’m not mad just disappointed vibe.”

“He’s always given me very disappointed dad vibes.” She nodded. “Are you okay though?”

“Weirdly fine with it all.” Lara Jean felt so mixed with how she was feeling. She wanted to mourn the loss of her relationship with John, but was nervously excited about what her future with Peter would be. She didn’t want it to seem like John didn’t mean anything to her, because he did. The anxiety over her next move hung over her head. Would Peter even want to take her back? He made out with her, but didn’t really get the chance to share his feelings in the car other than _“I know”_ before John showed up.

“Look at you, being all mature. So, what did Kavinsky say when you ran over to him last night? I understand why you’re glowing now.” She winked.

“I didn’t go to Peter’s last night.” LJ softly let out.

“You’re telling me that you, Lara Jean Song Covey, ultimate lover of big romantic gestures, didn’t run over and confess your love for him, make out & live happily ever after?”

“I didn’t.” She blushed. “It wouldn’t have felt right.”

“What do you mean by that? You want to be with Peter, right?”

“I don’t want Peter to think I’m choosing to him just because I’m not with John Ambrose. He deserves better than that.”

Chris thought for a second and shook her head. “Well when are you planning to see him?”

“At the store tomorrow, I guess?” LJ shrugged.

“Yes. You have to keep me updated. Trevor and I are just happy and boring. This is the drama I live for. Any idea what you’re going to do when you see him?”

“No freaking idea.” Lara Jean smiled nervously.

* * *

Today was the first day that Lara Jean was at the store by herself. It would only be for an hour, but she took it as a sign of trust from Mrs. Kavinsky. She turned on a playlist of Motown classics and began dusting while she waited for Peter to get there. The store was dead this morning, allowing her time to think. Her hands got clammy with the anticipation of seeing him again.

This was going to be the first time she would see Peter since her breakup with John. She smoothed down her yellow dress in the mirror and flipped her hair. She wanted to look extra cute when she had this conversation with him. If they were going to have a foot popping life-affirming kiss, she wanted to wear a dress she knew he loved.

After a while, she posted up against the counter. She played a matching game on her phone when the bell rang out. Her heart beat quickened, knowing how it was even before she lifted her head. She placed her phone on the counter and smiled as she saw him. “Hi Peter.” She blushed at first sight. His emerald green polo shirt framed his strong shoulders and chest. He always looked so handsome in green. It brought out his eyes.

“Hey.” He smirked on one side of his mouth. He quickly threw his stuff in the office before standing in front of the other side of the counter. He took a long breath, not knowing what was to come.

“How was Owen’s appointment?” she tried to calm her nerves but getting the subject off herself.

“Why are eye doctors are always running late? I think it’s a dilatating eyes thing.” He rolled his eyes.

“Maybe some people take a long time to read?” she offered.

“How could I forget that everyone doesn’t read at Covey speed?” he smiled.

“Only a select few can handle reading comprehension at a Covey level. I can’t hold that against the general public.”

They laughed together. Lara Jean’s eyes met Peter’s. Smiles spread across both their faces in a comfortable silence. Lara Jean felt her heart flip. He was perfect and she loved him. She unconsciously began to edge forward when the bell rang again.

Lara Jean snapped away and ran towards the door. “Welcome to Kavinsky’s Antiques!”

Peter watched her dress swoosh around her thighs as she rushed to the customers. Was the leaning forward all in his imagination? He ran his hands through his hair and tried to shake out his body. He couldn’t even begin to think about them until he knew what happened with John.

He walked back behind the counter and tried to calm his thoughts down. He admired her from afar. She was so pretty when she was in her element. She had the kind of spirit that radiated when she was doing things she was good at. He sighed and tried to shake his mind out of his dirtier thoughts of her.

He heard another ding and looked towards the door. No one. He searched for what was making the sound. He saw her phone light up. Peter wasn’t usually one for snooping but it was shining brightly in front of him. It was a text message. A message from John Ambrose.

He crossed his arms, trying to suppress his anger. He knew it wasn’t a done deal, but he was convinced that LJ was going to break up with him. The kiss and the not regretting the kiss were clear signals she was still into him, not John. The fact that they were still texting felt like a slap to the face. He leaned back against the wall trying to hide his utter disappointment. He couldn’t move forward with her until he knew he wasn’t the second choice.

* * *

The afternoon sun hung low in the sky. Peter had been distant towards LJ since he saw the text. He always found some reason to be far away from her whenever it died down. He used any excuse to not have to talk with her about anything substantial. She was organizing a display of mugs when her family came into the store.

“Look at our grown-up working woman.” Dr. Covey smiled as he looked around the store. “The place looks great.” He pulled his middle daughter in for a side hug.

“You would work at the store will all the weird old stuff.” Kitty rolled her eyes before eyeing Peter in the far back corner. “PETER!” she ran over and threw her arms around him.

“Hey Kitty Cat.” He smiled and reciprocated the hug. “How’s the summer treating you?”

“Good. I’m in coding camp this week. Daddy was taking me for ice cream at the diner and said we should stop by and see LJ. I totally forgot you’d be here.” She beamed up at him. Kitty would never admit it, but she had the most adorable crush on Peter. He knew it and always made a point to make her feel extra special.

“Where else would you go? Joan makes the best ice cream sundaes in a 30-mile radius.”

“That’s what I said!” she looked back to her sister and father, still standing close to the entrance.

“How’s it going, Peter?” Dr. Covey walked further into the store and shook his hand.

“Pretty well, Dr. C.” he smiled. “Did you see the end of the game last night?”

“That three pointer at the buzzer. Those are moments you live for!” he smiled. Dr. Covey always loved having Peter around so he could have someone to talk about sports with. Sometimes Peter would come over just to watch a game with him. Lara Jean loved when he did that, making himself part of the family.

“It’s not even fair how good he is.” Peter shook his head. He loved being around the Coveys. They always welcomed him in with open arms. They were the kind of family that shared everything and made you feel comfortable the moment you met them.

“Can Peter come with us to get ice cream?” Kitty begged shooting her big puppy dog eyes at her father.

“I don’t think he can, Kitty. He’s got to work. You know his mom owns this store, right?”

“I know. His mom came in for career day last year in my social studies class with Owen. I just want him to come with us.” She looked up at Peter. “Please come. Please. Please. Please”

“We lock up in an hour. Maybe we’ll stop by if you’re still there. No promises though.” He smiled at Kitty.

“Yay. I hope you can start coming over again since Lara Jean broke up with John Ambrose. Well technically, he broke up with her, but that’s semantics.” She grabbed his arm. “Did Lara Jean tell you that I got a new soccer goal for my birthday? Maybe you can teach me how to play lacrosse with it? Is it a different size net? Is there a special name for the lacrosse ball? Is the stick going to be as tall as I am? In that one picture we took after your game, your lacrosse stick was almost as me.” she let out without taking a breath.

Peter stood shocked, making sure he heard the youngest Covey correctly. _She was broken up with John_. She pulled the trigger. His emotions were a mixture of pride and surprise. After the text message, he was convinced she didn’t actually do it. He felt like a little kid who was about to throw up from being too overwhelmed by excitement. His mind was running wild, but his boy felt frozen like if he moved to fast, he would break apart into little pieces.

Lara Jean watched him out of the corner of her eye. This wasn’t how she planned to tell him, but it took all the pressure off of her. His toes tapped on the wooden floors in his black converse. She knew he needed to process it before she could say anything meaningful. She looked at her father to cut through the silence.

“Hey, Lara Jean. Trina’s birthday is coming up at the end of the month. Is there anything you think would be good for her?” He asked searching around the store.

“Totally. We have some jewelry I think she’d love over here. Come on Kitty, let’s pick out something pretty.” She grabbed her sister and lead her dad to the rows of delicate necklaces.

As her family picked through the case, she looked for Peter. She found him standing still, not an inch away from where he was before. Had she done something wrong? Their eyes finally met. Lara Jean smiled but Peter’s face stayed blank.

He turned away and walked into the back. Lara Jean’s face dropped. She wished she knew what he was thinking. She didn’t know what to say to make it better. She selfishly expected him to run over to kiss her as soon as he heard the news. Wouldn’t it be romantic to get kissed among the stores little treasures? The fact he didn’t want to be in the same room as her at this moment felt like the opposite of a good reaction.

* * *

Peter and Lara Jean stood behind the counter counting the cash in the drawer. The doors were locked and the open sign was off. This was the first time they had been alone and within 3 feet of each other since Peter had heard she wasn’t with John anymore.

Lara Jean reached over to count the tens when their hands brushed slightly. She felt a jolt of electricity run through her body. The tension was palpable. Both of them stubbornly not wanting to be the first to bring it up. “We’ve got 60 in tens.” She put it back in its holder.

“Great.” He wrote it on the spreadsheet. “Looks like we’re good.” He grabbed the drawer and slid it back into the register.

She needed to get some sort of answer. “Are we good though?” LJ felt a wave of confidence wash over her.

“What?” he asked smugly.

“I didn’t want you to find out like that. I kind of can’t believe that Kitty beat me to the punch. I wanted to tell you as soon as you came in, but it just didn’t feel right and I didn’t want to run to your house that night because that felt icky and you don’t deserve icky, so….” She tried to joke.

“Yeah.” He popped his tongue. “So… you’re really broken up.”

“We are.” She smiled.

“Are you okay?”

She swooned. How did she get so lucky to know the most considerate, sweet boy in the world? “I’m okay.” She smiled.

“Well that’s good.” He awkwardly tapped his fingers on the counter.

Lara Jean leaned one elbow on the counter, slightly lifting her chest in his direction. She was begging him to make a move. “I think so. How are you feeling?”

Peter shrugged, not being able to fully explain his emotions. Peter stepped back and turned away from her. He was still processing. His thoughts raced about when it happened. Was there fighting? Where did it happen? In the backyard or the kitchen? Did where it happened actually mean anything? He knew he wanted Lara Jean more than he wanted anything. He just couldn’t let himself be the rebound. Rebounds never ended up working out.

He walked past her into the office and grabbed her bag for her. “Here you go.”

“Thank you.” She hated how awkward it suddenly felt between them. She almost wished she never brought the breakup up at all if it was going to be like this. Peter now stood what felt like miles away from her.

“Want to go get some food at the diner? I’m sure Kitty and my dad are gone by now. Milkshakes are on me.” She asked while walking to the door waiting for Peter to input the alarm code.

“I can’t. I promised my mom I’d grab Owen and I Chinese food for dinner. She has book club tonight.” He opened the door for her to exit.

“Oh,” she said in her disappointment. “That sounds fun. Just Chinese tonight? Is Owen still obsessed with Moo Shu Pork?” She remembered take out night at the Kavinsky’s. When Mrs. Kavinsky was super busy, she would leave the boys with a certain amount of money for take-out, but the boys didn’t usually stick to one restaurant. One time they ordered Pad Thai, Greek Gyros, and an order of chips and guacamole when Lara Jean joined them.

“Just Chinese. Mom caught onto our food hopping excursions and started only leaving us money for one. Owen does love Moo Shu, but he tried Pepper Chicken at his friend’s house and now tries to make us order it every time.” He finally broke into a smile.

Lara Jean felt her shoulders drop as his smile lite up the sidewalk in front of the store. She knew they didn’t have to talk about it now. They would talk when he was ready. He had waited for her all this time, she could give him a day to process his big feelings. She blushed as she caught another glance of his smile. His smile always made her feel a sense of warmth, a sense that everything would eventually be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boy doesn't know what to do with his emotions! He's gotta figure it out soon!   
> Only two chapters left!   
> Thanks for all the love on the last chapter.


	12. Punch Problems

The next day, Peter wasn’t at work. Mrs. Kavinsky said he had a high fever and was ordered to stay in bed all day. The days dragged on when she didn’t have him to talk to. The store seemed boring and her usual treasure exploration didn’t seem as exciting. Everything felt 10% more dull when he was away.

Mrs. Kavinsky was in and out of the store all day for appointments. Lara Jean was organizing perfume bottles when she came in near the end of the day. “Hi Mrs. Kavinsky!” she smiled.

“Hey LJ!” she put her purse down on the counter. “How’s it been today?”

“Pretty slow actually.”

“Happens to the best of us.” She took out her iPad and looked at the notes she had taken at her appointment.

“Is Peter feeling any better?” she questioned. She was desperate to talk with him. They had left things so strangely and she hated feeling so distant from him. This was the first time they had really been away from each other for the entire summer. She didn’t realize just how she missed the little things about him. The sound of his sigh after she accidentally said something dumb, the twinkle in his emerald eyes that when he laughed, the dimple that formed in his left cheek when he was really trying to concentrate on something.

“I think he’s starting too. Owen said his fever went down, but he’s been in bed all day. Rest is the best thing for your body when you are on the mend though.” She smiled.

“Great. Let me know if you need anything. I’d be happy to make cookies or something.”

“Oh Lara Jean, you do not have to do that. He’ll be fine by the morning.” She smiled and pat her hand. “I never got to thank you for going to pick up those chairs. I know the quick trip became more of an adventurous weekend.”

What had Peter told her about the trip? She knew Peter usually kept things pretty private. Would Ms. Kavinsky hate her now? She tried to remain calm. She faked a smile back at her boss. “My pleasure.”

* * *

She wasn’t used to walking into Gabe’s house alone. She always had Peter or Chris by her side, but both of them had gone early to help set up. The first time she ever came here was to go to a party with Peter when they first started fake dating. She was so nervous she could barely sit still. Gen tried to intimidate her, but Peter put his arm around her and the world felt calm. She thought of that moment every time she walked past the massive fish tank in the foyer.

Lara Jean made her way to the kitchen, where Trevor and Peter were mixing a pitcher of some kind of alcoholic drink. Trevor was shimming along to the 80s song playing on the speakers outside. “Hey Lara Jean!” he bobbed his head, making his sunglasses fall onto his face.

“Hey Trev.” She waved. She quickly stole a glance at Peter. “What are you guys making?”

“This punch recipe that my cousin learned in her sorority.” Trevor held up an empty solo cup. “Want some?”

“Sure.” She answered cheerfully. Her eyes darted to Peter. He was staring down at his hands. She wished she could flick a magic wand and have things go back to before they broke up. She admired his muscular arms in his loose-fitting tank top. It was the kind he used to only wear to the gym. Lara Jean thought he always smelled extra manly when he’d come over after a workout wearing one of those. “Hi Peter. I’m glad you’re feeling better.” she needed to get his attention.

“Hi.” He gently smiled at her. The words hung in the air for a while, both not knowing how the other was feeling.

Trevor looked back and forth between them and shook his head. “Wow, the conversation is riveting.” He held the drink out for Lara Jean. “I’ll see you by the pool.”

Peter saw LJ bite her lip nervously. She looked so cute. Kitty had obviously platted a pretty fishtail braid that laid down the left side of her neck. “Did you end up going to the diner?”

“No,” she shook her head. “Decided to just go home. Had too much on my mind.” She smiled at him across the kitchen island.

“Me too.” He scratched his upper arm.

“Peter, can we please talk about-” She was cut off by more of the lacrosse boys coming through the house.

“Sup, Kavinksy!” A boy with floppy blond hair yelled gleefully holding a cooler.

“Thanks for bringing the ice. Gabe will show you where to put it outside.” He nodded at his teammates and watched them walk outside. He welcomed the distraction from Lara Jean.

For the past two days he couldn’t sleep thinking about his current situation. He had all but begged her to get back with him, but now couldn’t let himself fall into her. He was beginning to realize he was angrier about her not picking him than he previously thought. There was nothing worse than not feeling chosen. It was his hidden Achilles’ heel. He would never admit how much his dad leaving and picking his new family truly impacted him, but it was starting to express itself in the sneakiest of ways.

“Should we go outside?” Lara Jean motioned to the pool where everyone was already hanging out.

“Sure.” He nodded and followed her out the door. He knew he needed some more liquid courage before he could finally say what was really bothering him.

* * *

LJ and Chris sat on the edge of the pool. Their feet dipping into the cool chlorinate water. “He won’t talk to me about it.” LJ took another sip of her drink. The hot sun and heavy poor of the punch had begun to make Lara Jean’s inhibitions slip away.

“It’s so not like him.” Chris leaned back on her elbows. “All you two used to do was talk.”

“I wish I could just know what’s going on in his brain.”

“Would that be your superpower?” Chris diverted the conversation.

“No. Teleporting. I’d never have to drive.” She quickly retorted.

“That tracks.” She nodded. “But back to Kavinsky. How did it go when he found out about the breakup?” 

“Bad. Well not bad, but it just got so awkward. I had it all planned out. I wore a dress I knew he loved, my hair was down, I tried to look so cute for him. I was going to tell him when we were alone at the store, but then Kitty told him by accident before I got the chance to and I think he thinks I wasn’t going to tell him. I even asked him to go grab food after we closed and got straight up rejected.”

“Harsh.” She scrunched her face.

“I had this idea that he would rush towards me, wrap me in his arms, and have one of those foot popping, best kiss of your life kisses and everything would be okay. But he literally spent the whole day being as far away from me as possible.” She sighed. “I just don’t know what to say to get him to understand.”

“How about, I love you and you love me too and we are meant to be together and I flat out rejected John because I love you, so let’s make out.”

LJ stopped moving her feet. “Did you just say he loves me?”

Chris’s eyes went wide. “You weren’t supposed to know that.”

“How do you know he loves me?” she felt her heart start to do summersaults.

“I can’t-” she began for Lara Jean cut her off.

“You are legally required to tell me as my best friend.” She laid down the law.

“Trevor told me.” She waited for a reaction from LJ but she just stared at her in shock. “Trevor told me that he still loves you. You had to know it somewhere in that big brain of yours. Even when Trevor tried to set him up with someone else he wouldn’t even think about it because he is still so in love with you.”

Lara Jean’s head was racing in a million different directions. Her eyes lasered in on him across the pool. He standing behind some of the other lacrosse players, a blue solo cup in hand. He looked like he was half listening to the conversations the other boys were far too into. “I need to talk to him.” She downed the remainder of her drink.

“Yes! God! Please!” Her friend smiled at her. “Get your man!”

Lara Jean popped to her feet with a confidence only possible by the alcohol running through her veins and the knowledge that Peter Kavinsky was in love with her. She marched over to him passing the ice cooler and girls laying out in small bathing suits.

She placed her hand squarely on his arm to get his attention. He looked down at her hesitantly. “You okay. Covey?”

“Come with me.” She said in her most confident of voices.

He looked around for a second, almost hoping that one of his teammates would tell him to stick around, but none did. He took a long deep breath and nodded his head. His nerves about talking with her were subsiding as the cheap beer took over, but in this moment, he swore he could feel his body vibrate in anxiety.

She lead him to a small grassy area where she knew no one would be able to see them. Her and Peter often made their way to his spot during Gabe’s parties to get away from the crowds. Lara Jean was not a fan of large groups of people but she could deal with it when she was on the arm of the most popular boy in school. 

“Why haven’t you done anything about this?” Lara Jean let go of his arm, almost stomping her feet in front of him.

“Excuse me?” He shyly spoke out of the side of his mouth.

“Peter, I’ve been broken up with John for almost a week now. Why haven’t you done anything?”

He scrunched his face. It’s not that he didn’t want to, it’s that he couldn’t get over his own hang ups. “What did you want me to do, Lara Jean?” He began to feel a resentment growing in his chest.

“I wanted you to do literally anything. You have been avoiding me like the plague since I broke up with John Ambrose.” She tried to get anything out of him. They never used to have these problems communicating. _What was holding him back?_

“Why did you have your sister tell me?” he smirked, wanting to be defiant at this point.

“You think I have any control over Kitty?” she shook her whole body. “It’s not the way I wanted to tell you, but it’s what happened since you ran away from me anytime I tried to talk with you that day.”

“Because you were still getting texts from McClaren.” He let out harshly.

She searched her memory of that day. “The only thing he texted me that day was to see if he left him umbrella at my house.”

“Why the fuck would he do that?” He sneered indignantly.

“I don’t know. He’s John Ambrose. You know him. He does weird shit sometimes.” She began to gesture wildly.

“Well I’m sorry that I don’t know if I want to be with someone who only broke up with their boyfriend so they could get with me.”

Lara Jean was taken aback. “That’s not why I did it.” She shook her head. “I broke up with John because I didn’t love him. I tried, but I didn’t.” Peter was a factor in the break up, but things ended with John because they weren’t meant to be. “He wanted to get back together even when I told him about the kiss. He said he was willing to forgive me for kissing you and we could start over. I was the one who said no.” She took a half step closer to him. “Peter.” She touched his chest and felt his heart beating at the speed of a race horse. “I still love you too.”

He felt like his body was about to burst. SHE LOVED HIM! He didn’t know his heart could simultaneously skip and do backflips in excitement & confusion. He stood still for a moment, holding his breath to make sure it was really happening. She was so close to him. He could feel her breath on his skin, making all the hair on his arms stand tall. He wasn’t sure if her chest was moving closer to him on purpose, but he took it as permission.

His hands cupped both sides of her face as he crashed their lips together. After the initial shock wore off, Lara Jean’s hands moved to his waist to pull her closer to him. This kiss was different from their last, filled with weeks of pent up aggression.

Lara Jean let Peter take control. She relaxed into his arms. His fingers rubbed circles up and down her jawline, making her weak in the knees. This is what she dreamed of happening when he first heard the news. She let out a small moan as his tongue started to explore her mouth.

Peter tried to silence any thoughts that weren’t about this kiss with Lara Jean. He wanted to be in the moment, but his brain had other ideas. He loved her, but he didn’t know if he was willing to risk getting his heart broken again. He tried to push them aside but it was all he could focus on. He pulled away and took a step back from her.

She stood their eyes closed, trying to hang onto the kiss for as long as she could. Her eyes blinked open and were transfixed on him. Her head felt hazy like she was trapped in the clouds. “Peter” she started before he abruptly cut her off.

“Why did you choose John in the first place?” He balled his hands in a fist, nervous about her answer.

Lara Jean’s mouth hung open. How would she explain that John Ambrose was the safe choice without making him sound not good enough? Her brain, still foggy from the kiss couldn’t put the words together.

“I…I…I don’t know what to say.”

Peter scoffed and looked down at his feet. He started to kick the grass, trying to keep in his emotions. Lara Jean could tell he was on the edge of tears but couldn’t muster the courage to reach out to him when she was the one to let him down. “This was a mistake.”

“I’m sorry. My brain just can’t-” she began.

“No.” he said under his breath before storming off into the house.

She was frozen as he left her sight. She dropped to her knees and tried to ground herself feeling the blades of grass between her fingers. What the hell just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the nice comments on this story! I really love reading them!   
> The ending is almost done! (It might end up being split into two parts, we will see.)


	13. End of Summer Tradition

The Downtown Summer Block Party was a Charlottesville tradition, the town’s landmark seasonal event. The 4th of July celebration paled in comparison since most of the residents left town to head for the beach in the muggy July heat. But, on this night near the end of August, the town came alive. There was music performed by local bands and UVA’s marching band always made an appearance. The streets were lined with booths from local businesses selling their wares to a captive audience as everyone in town ascended down the downtown streets to eat, drink & celebrate the last days of summer before school started up and the students headed back to the classroom.

Kavinsky’s Antiques booth was positioned right in front of their store. Mrs. Kavinsky was on the planning committee this year so gave herself the prime real estate right on Main Street. Peter and Lara Jean agreed to work the booth together weeks ago, long before their rained-out night together or disagreement at Gabe’s.

After Peter kissed her then stormed off at the pool party, Lara Jean sat on the ground dazed by the whole experience. She knew what she wanted to say to Peter but was so caught off guard that everything she wanted to tell him was sucked out of her brain as his kiss took her breath away. Peter’s question about why she picked John hit her like a ton of bricks. She felt deflated. How would she explain to him that she chose the other boy because she was scared? Why was she scared of the boy she loved? It barely made sense to her, how would it make any sense to him?

She got to the store before Peter on the Saturday of the Block Party. Mrs. Kavinsky was in a tizzy when she arrived. “Oh, thank god you’re here!” she was carrying display cases in her arms.

“I could have gotten here earlier. I thought you said four.”

“No, you’re here at the right time. I am just all over the place.” She huffed. “Are you fine setting up by yourself? Peter texted me that practice is running late.”

She nodded. Lacrosse practice was in full swing and had kept Peter away from the store. She had only seen him once since the kiss. He was leaving as she was coming into work. Mrs. Kavinsky was there making it a not optimal time to talk. “We’re putting out the jewelry, right?”

“The jewelry and a few little trinkets I picked out. Everything’s got a tag.” She held out a table cloth for Lara Jean.

“Great.” Lara Jean smiled. “I think I got it.”

“Text me if you need anything. There’s cash and the card reader in the box.” She yelled as she headed out to assist with the event.

Lara Jean began to set up the table. She spread out the weathered by stylish table cloths and began to lay out the jewelry delicately. She hummed the last pop song she had heard in the car as she assembled the display. She wiped her forehead. It was still over 80 degrees even as the sun was beginning to set. She thanked the lord that Mrs. Kavinsky had arranged for a tent for their booth to offer some much-needed shade. She was putting her hair up while examining her work when she heard him behind her. “Looks good, Covey.”

She whipped around to see him standing in front of her in the Kavinsky’s Antiques t shirt that his mom had made for them. It hung tight over his torso and he had folded the short sleeves, giving you a sneak peek of more of his arm muscles. “Thank you.” She felt her heart begin to beat faster. He didn’t seem to hate her today. _Maybe he just needed time to calm down?_ She hoped. “How was practice?”

“2 guys got there late and coach made us run an extra 2 miles as punishment.” He sighed. “But, I think we have a good team this year.”

“Well even if they sucked, you already have your scholarship.” She shifted a small intricately painted frog figurine to face the sun.

A few families with a stroller walked past their booth. People were arriving. The festival had started. Peter took a deep breath and walked behind the booth. He took his sunglasses off and slid them into his back pocket. “Did she leave us with anything?”

“Cash & the card reader are in the box.” She answered.

“Perfect.” He leaned down and grabbed the reader. He slid it on his phone and opened the app. “We’re set.”

“Excellent.” Lara Jean smiled at him and his heart did a flip. He had been avoiding her like the plague. He felt bad for flipping out at her after kissing her. He was halfway to being drunk and didn’t give her time to process anything. Lara Jean Song Covey was a person who needed processing time.

He ran his hands through his curly brunette locks trying to work up the nerve to talk to her about it. “Hey, so, um,” his cheeks felt red from the build-up of nerves.

“Yeah?” she pulled her ponytail to one side, trying to self soothe herself if he was about to break her heart at that moment.

“I know I haven’t really seen you since Gabe’s thing and I just wanted to say sorry.” He stood on the opposite side of the fold out table.

“You don’t have to.” She looked down at her pink and blue Nike sneakers. The sting of his rejection pinged through her body. It was an unknown feeling with Peter. She always felt chosen by him. “I understand why you’d be angry about me not being able to-”

She got cut off by a customer approaching the table. “Oh, I just love this.” She pointed to a pink pearl necklace hanging in one of Lara Jean’s displays.

“I know, right.” Lara Jean was getting good at snapping into her customer service mode. She took the necklace off the display so the woman could get a better look. “Pink pearls are supposed to symbolize romance and good fortune.”

Peter watched Lara Jean as the woman traced her fingers across the small pearls. His eyes were fixated on her. He kind of loved that they were matching in white and green screen-printed shirts, making them look like a team. She had tucked her shirt into jean shorts. He had to stop himself from only paying attention to her legs that seemed longer and tanner than usual.

“I’ll get it. My eldest is starting college. I think she’ll love this as a going away present.”

“Great. The man in the matching t shirt will check you out. I’ll pack this up for you.” She pointed at Peter who’s face wasn’t giving away anything. She hated that she was cut off for the millionth time when trying to talk with him. Sometimes she wondered if she’d was cursed when it came to timing with Peter. She quickly wrapped the necklace in paper and slid it into a bag. She handed it to the woman who was smiling joyfully at Peter.

“Thanks for stopping by! Enjoy the festival.” Peter waved until she was out of earshot. He turned back to Lara Jean. She was tapping a text on her phone. She slid it back into her pocket and smiled up at him. “I’m not mad at you.”

“Good.” She felt relief wash over her body. She rubbed her arms. She relieved he wasn’t mad, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be with her. She saw him adjust his shirt and look out into the stream of people who had now ascended onto the downtown streets. She knew he always smooth down his shirt when he was nervous or uncomfortable. _Were nerves a good or bad sign?_ She sighed and turned her attention back to the crowd.

* * *

The initial rush of people had died down for a moment. Lara Jean pulled out two waters from a cooler behind the table and handed one to Peter. “Thanks.” He nodded and took a large gulp.

“No worries.” She smiled. “No need to debate, when it’s hot you must hydrate.”

He looked at her with a cocked head. What kind of small talk was she trying to make? “What?”

“That was weird.” Her face broke out into a smile then a small giggle. “I saw it on a sports drink mix and… I don’t even know.”

They laughed together for the first time in what seemed like forever. She didn’t know if it was the heat of the summer night or that he was having any warmth towards her, but she swore she could feel warmth radiating from his insides.

“Mind if I use that on the team at practice tomorrow?” he laughed.

“Don’t ask me!” she giggled. “I think you need to clear it with the Power Strength Water people.” She caught his eye for a moment before taking her hair down from her pony tail. Peter was always amazed by her hair. It shined even when there were zero light sources in sight. It bounced as it settled around her shoulders. He missed playing with it between his fingers. It was one way he always felt close to her, a small gesture that was always a signal to her that he cared.

Peter looked back and the crowd and his face dropped. John was there. He was about 3 booths away across the street, but saw him glance over any chance he got. Peter met his eye contact and John immediately turned around.

Lara Jean watched the interaction and felt her anxiety on full force. “Peter.” She tried to pull his attention from John.

“Why don’t you go say hi to Johnny?” He rolled his eyes.

“I don’t want to.” She tried to stand strong.

“You didn’t know he was coming?” He gave the stink eye to John Ambrose who kept stealing glances at their booth and more specifically Lara Jean.

“I knew.” She nodded. “He texted me yesterday that he was going to be here. He got back from DC earlier this week. I told him it would be best to keep his distance and not come over to our booth out of respect for you.”

Peter’s mouth hung slightly open. He was speechless at her gesture. He felt so appreciated, like he was important to her. He felt his shoulders drop as he looked down at her. He was slightly amazed she would stand up for him in that way. Maybe her not being able to answer his question, didn’t mean as much as he thought it did.

He couldn’t wait until all these people were gone and he could talk to her. Just them.

* * *

The street lights were at full force when Peter and Lara Jean carried the last of the boxes back into the store. They had sold a fair amount of goods at the festival, but somehow it felt like they had more stuff to bring in than was there originally.

Peter locked the door after he placed the last box down. Lara Jean was at the jewelry case putting things back. He stared at her from across the store, knowing they had to talk but not knowing how to start. He took a deep breath and took a step forward. “That’s everything.”

She dropped the earrings she was holding. Her hands were shaking from anxiety. “Great.” She stepped back from the jewelry case, bumping into another plastic box of stuff. Only the display lights were on, making it harder to see where she was going. She steadied herself and looked at him. She felt like she was about to throw up.

The last time she had professed her feelings to him, it was in a letter. She had time to organize her thoughts and put them down eloquently on paper. As much as she ran through what she wanted to say to him now, she had no idea where his brain was or what direction this conversation would take.

“So…” he walked closer to her slowly, his hands in the pockets of his grey shorts.

“I have an answer to your question.” She put her hair behind her ears.

“What question?” He bit his lip. He knew exactly what question she was referring to, but tried to remain cool.

A quick, short breath escaped her mouth in a huff. “Why I chose John.” She felt like she was on the edge of tears due to her nerves. “I couldn’t answer you the other day, but I can now.” Peter was always better than her at expressing his feelings through a heartfelt soliloquy, but she was ready to give it her best shot.

Peter nodded. He would usually not make her do anything that made her this visually anxious, but if they were ever going to get past this, he needed to know. Not feeling chosen was the only thing holding him back.

“I chose John because he was the safe choice. He’s the nicest of nice nerdy boys. He was the kind of boy that a girl who only had one friend and spends their free time scrapbooking and reading trashy romance novels for fun is supposed to be with. With John, I knew what was going to happen. He was safe. He was predictable. I never had to worry that I wasn’t cool enough to hang with his friends or that I wouldn’t know enough about stuff he was into.” She played with her hands, needing to get the anxiety out somewhere.

“I chose John because I knew I wouldn’t be heartbroken when it ended. I knew I would only allow myself to love him a certain amount, and that just seemed easier. I knew that when we went off to college, it would be a clean break and I could just move on. Margo used to tell me all the time that my mom said that you shouldn’t go to college with a boyfriend and I could feel myself actually following through with that if I was with John because it was the practical decision, and John Ambrose is the most practical person I’ve ever met.” She took a deep breath but couldn’t maintain eye contact with Peter. “I would have loved to blame it on the stuff with Gen, but it was an excuse, a symptom of the problem and not the actual reason. The reason was because I was scared. Actually, fucking terrified.”

“You’re scared me?” he asked shocked. Her words felt like a gut punch.

“I’m not scared of you.” She shook her head. “I’m scared of what you do to me.”

He stepped closer to her. “I don’t get it.” He shook his head.

“Peter Kavinsky, I love you. I had a crush on you in middle school, but I really feel in love with you the moment you offered to drive me home from the diner and made up the fake dating scheme to save my ass. I know you always told anyone who would listen that you loved me first, but you’re wrong. I feel in love with you so quickly and so intensely that I didn’t even know it was happening. It was all at once and took over my life. I suddenly felt like I had friends and a sense of belonging that I never had before. You introduced me to so many new things that usually I would have been scared shitless to do, but I felt like I could do them when you were by my side. It was this foreign thing to me.” She took a deep breath. “I really had only had crushes until that time and being with you, being in love with you, terrified me. It made me doubt everything I knew about myself, who I was, and what I thought my life would be.” She took a step towards him, now only a few feet in front of her.

“I always felt loved by you. You made me feel safe and important. You brought out sides of me that I didn’t even knew were in there.” She motioned to her heart. “I don’t do things in half measures. I knew that if I truly allowed myself to love you the way that I wanted to, the way you deserved to be loved, that there would be no going back for me.” She took a moment and tried to read his face. His expressions were a rainbow of emotions. LJ couldn’t tell where he landed so she continued.

“I would have to dive into the unknown and you know more than most people that is not a strength of mine. So if you want the answer why I chose John, it was because I was scared. You were everything I could have ever dreamed of. I love you, Peter. I need you to know that. I choose you from now on and want to make it my mission every day to make sure you know that. I’m willing to choose you and be terrified about how much I love you because you are worth it in every way.” Lara Jean wiped the tears forming in her eyes. “I’m just sorry I can’t turn back time and tell you this before we ended things the first time. I’m sorry my pride or selfishness or cowardliness got in the way. You deserve more.”

Peter felt tears welling in his eyes. The puzzle pieces were finally coming together. He knew Lara Jean’s heart. He knew she wouldn’t say something that wasn’t true. He didn’t fully understand her reasoning, but understood how being scared can make you run away. He put his hand out to her and looked down at his palm.

Lara Jean slid her hand into his. He rubbed his thumb on the back of her hand.

“Thank you for telling me that Covey. I know speeches are more of my thing.” He cracked a small smile. “All I ever wanted was to feel chosen. When my dad left, he chose his new family. So, when it felt like you didn’t chose me, I lost it, and then even when you did chose me, I doubted anyone chose me for the right reason, not just because I was the only choice.” He met Lara Jean’s eyes and nodded.

“Lara Jean Song Covey, I love you. I loved you when I didn’t even think you liked me. I loved you when you broke my heart into a thousand little pieces. I loved you when everyone told me to move on, but I couldn’t. I would do anything for you. I’d swim in rough waters & fight a monsoon just to be with you. I was never scared to do those things because I love you, Lara Jean.” He broke out into a smile. “And even if it’s taken time for you get over your fear, I don’t care. I don’t care because you love me and that makes me the luckiest person in the world.” He reached out and kissed her hand.

Lara Jean let out what could only be described as a giggle and a sob combined. Chris may have spilled the beans that he still loved her, but hearing it from his mouth sounded like the most beautiful of symphonies. She wanted to spend the rest of her life hearing those words over and over again.

Peter pulled her close and slid his hand to the curvature of her back. She gazed deeply into his eyes with a wide smile across her face. Their eyes sparkled in pure love and acknowledgement that things might get hard. Things might be scary. But as long as they had each other, they knew they could face the world together.

In the dull lights and exquisite treasures of Kavinsky’s Antiques, Lara Jean pressed her lips into Peter’s, forever wanting to stay in this perfect moment in her new favorite place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely feedback on this story!   
> You're kudos & comments have made it a real joy to write & be in this world! 
> 
> xx


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